Billy, you just know how to say it and say it well! This is what I have aspired to for years. Have I managed to become this kind of woman? I can't say.
She can kill with a smile
She can wound with her eyes
She can ruin your faith with her casual lies
And she only reveals what she wants you to see
She hides like a child,
But she's always a woman to me
She can lead you to love
She can take you or leave you
She can ask for the truth
But she'll never believe you
And she'll take what you give her, as long as it's free
Yeah, she steals like a thief
But she's always a woman to me
CHORUS:
Oh--she takes care of herself
She can wait if she wants
She's ahead of her time
Oh--and she never gives out
And she never gives in
She just changes her mind
And she'll promise you more
Than the Garden of Eden
Then she'll carelessly cut you
And laugh while you're bleedin'
But she'll bring out the best
And the worst you can be
Blame it all on yourself
Cause she's always a woman to me
--Mhmm--
Bridge
CHORUS:
Oh--she takes care of herself
She can wait if she wants
She's ahead of her time
Oh--and she never gives out
And she never gives in
She just changes her mind
She is frequently kind
And she's suddenly cruel
She can do as she pleases
She's nobody's fool
And she can't be convicted
She's earned her degree
And the most she will do
Is throw shadows at you
But she's always a woman to me
--Mhmm--
Friday, September 17, 2010
Tact
1997 was a big year in my life. One of those defining years; after which, no one can be the same.
Suffice it to say, during my tenth year I became emotionally withdrawn. I forgot how to smile. I forgot to acknowledge emotion much less communicate effectively what I was feeling. I didn't make much headway with this until I was 18 and didn't really figure it out until I was 22.
Because of this, I am a very tactless person. I simply can't see why someone else would be offended when I do or say something that ought to be obvious.
I've been working on that character flaw, but I fear my no-nonsense personality and divide-and-conquer approach to life's little circumstances doesn't leave much room for pussy-footing around issues.
I can remember one time when I was in grade school two of my friends had a crush on the same boy. He was in our class and this little rift between my friends was quite distracting. So, I took it into my own hands to fix the situation. I told the boy about how my friends were fighting over him and could he please talk to them both. The girls were mortified. They united for the first time in weeks in ostracizing me. I had betrayed them and was punished with the silent treatment. I cried a lot. I knew that I have behaved inappropriately. The thing is, the boy they were fighting over actually did talk to the girls and the little love triangle was resolved rather quickly. I felt as though my actions were, ultimately, correct; I had simply executed without finesse.
Another instance: this one took place when I was much older. One of my friends had been seeing a boy. After several dates and the exchange of personal favors, he told her that he actually wasn't interested in dating her. My close-knit group of friends and I discussed the situation and we were livid on behalf of our friend -- thinking that she had been wrongfully used. Many grand statements were made about what would happen to the boy if he chose to come within spitting distance. As it happened, we all saw him very soon after these fiery vows were made. I approached and delivered the rehearsed speech and turned receive support from my friends, only to discover that they had abandoned me during my passionate rant. When I spoke with the friend who had been "wronged" and found that she had parted amicably with the boy. She told me that she appreciated my sturdy friendship but would I, please, never interfere in that manner again. I was very embarrassed and promised to keep my mouth closed. I apologized to the boy the next time I saw him but was still supremely embarrassed for years after.
Then I think of an instance, recently, when I did things correctly. Working at EFY this summer we had a boy who soon became very well acquainted with the health counselors. Every day he had another complaint and his pain or discomfort could never really be qualified. By Thursday I was at my wit's end. I had no idea how to react to the boy much less help him. That's when his counselor approached me and told me of the wild stories he had been telling his group. I counseled with her and told her to believe him as far as she could, downplay his stories, and keep him in the group. I told her to love him. Then I called the boy's mother. Over a patchy connection we were able to communicate what the boy had been doing that week and how it related to his past. I discovered the truth behind his stories as well as the fantastic tales he told for attention and why he needed attention. It was as though a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I finally understood how to react to this very interesting young man! I could sympathize. I understood. I knew how he needed to be treated and how to do so with the dignity and respect. I wanted to share my new-found freedom of understanding with everyone who had been affected by his needs and I wasted no time in tracking down the counselors who had been in contact with the boy. When more information was discovered concerning why this boy was behaving oddly, my heart swelled with further understanding and I was able to assess the situation more fully and in a more tender manner. I have never felt so in control of myself as when I was tenderly speaking with the boy and comprehending not only what he was saying but why he was saying certain things. I had become acquainted with charity in it's purest form. What a miracle! Tact wasn't merely something I had to practice in that situation; it was the only way. I cared too much to risk offense when I saw so clearly how to avoid embarrassment for my charge. I understood.
So, while I am still quite tactless, I do know that sympathy and empathy for another's plight will help me to behave appropriately. If I can make a personal connection and seek to understand the point of view held by another, I will not fail at caring for them in the most tender manner. The most amazing thing is that in order to understand a person I don't need them to understand me in return. But, what a miracle it would be to have mutual understanding with another. If that could happen, no feelings would ever be damaged.
Suffice it to say, during my tenth year I became emotionally withdrawn. I forgot how to smile. I forgot to acknowledge emotion much less communicate effectively what I was feeling. I didn't make much headway with this until I was 18 and didn't really figure it out until I was 22.
Because of this, I am a very tactless person. I simply can't see why someone else would be offended when I do or say something that ought to be obvious.
I've been working on that character flaw, but I fear my no-nonsense personality and divide-and-conquer approach to life's little circumstances doesn't leave much room for pussy-footing around issues.
I can remember one time when I was in grade school two of my friends had a crush on the same boy. He was in our class and this little rift between my friends was quite distracting. So, I took it into my own hands to fix the situation. I told the boy about how my friends were fighting over him and could he please talk to them both. The girls were mortified. They united for the first time in weeks in ostracizing me. I had betrayed them and was punished with the silent treatment. I cried a lot. I knew that I have behaved inappropriately. The thing is, the boy they were fighting over actually did talk to the girls and the little love triangle was resolved rather quickly. I felt as though my actions were, ultimately, correct; I had simply executed without finesse.
Another instance: this one took place when I was much older. One of my friends had been seeing a boy. After several dates and the exchange of personal favors, he told her that he actually wasn't interested in dating her. My close-knit group of friends and I discussed the situation and we were livid on behalf of our friend -- thinking that she had been wrongfully used. Many grand statements were made about what would happen to the boy if he chose to come within spitting distance. As it happened, we all saw him very soon after these fiery vows were made. I approached and delivered the rehearsed speech and turned receive support from my friends, only to discover that they had abandoned me during my passionate rant. When I spoke with the friend who had been "wronged" and found that she had parted amicably with the boy. She told me that she appreciated my sturdy friendship but would I, please, never interfere in that manner again. I was very embarrassed and promised to keep my mouth closed. I apologized to the boy the next time I saw him but was still supremely embarrassed for years after.
Then I think of an instance, recently, when I did things correctly. Working at EFY this summer we had a boy who soon became very well acquainted with the health counselors. Every day he had another complaint and his pain or discomfort could never really be qualified. By Thursday I was at my wit's end. I had no idea how to react to the boy much less help him. That's when his counselor approached me and told me of the wild stories he had been telling his group. I counseled with her and told her to believe him as far as she could, downplay his stories, and keep him in the group. I told her to love him. Then I called the boy's mother. Over a patchy connection we were able to communicate what the boy had been doing that week and how it related to his past. I discovered the truth behind his stories as well as the fantastic tales he told for attention and why he needed attention. It was as though a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I finally understood how to react to this very interesting young man! I could sympathize. I understood. I knew how he needed to be treated and how to do so with the dignity and respect. I wanted to share my new-found freedom of understanding with everyone who had been affected by his needs and I wasted no time in tracking down the counselors who had been in contact with the boy. When more information was discovered concerning why this boy was behaving oddly, my heart swelled with further understanding and I was able to assess the situation more fully and in a more tender manner. I have never felt so in control of myself as when I was tenderly speaking with the boy and comprehending not only what he was saying but why he was saying certain things. I had become acquainted with charity in it's purest form. What a miracle! Tact wasn't merely something I had to practice in that situation; it was the only way. I cared too much to risk offense when I saw so clearly how to avoid embarrassment for my charge. I understood.
So, while I am still quite tactless, I do know that sympathy and empathy for another's plight will help me to behave appropriately. If I can make a personal connection and seek to understand the point of view held by another, I will not fail at caring for them in the most tender manner. The most amazing thing is that in order to understand a person I don't need them to understand me in return. But, what a miracle it would be to have mutual understanding with another. If that could happen, no feelings would ever be damaged.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Poem Time Warp
Jan. 16, 2008
Ignored
Laying on the ground,
Watching the sun go by
Watching lovely things die
Laying on the ground
Watching the earth
Shift and spin
Will the world ever be
The same again?
Moments passing moments,
Creating new Atonements
To be sought
So start seeking
Learn to stop speaking
Or you’ll have more
Fights that can’t be won
So tired of being ignored
What is it that makes
People so bored
They have to ignore –
Ignore me again
Leave me alone
Don’t
Pretend to be friends
And I’ll stab you in the back
Can’t take it back
I’m a viper in the sand
I’ll bite you
When you take my hand
As a friend
When do the lies –
Do the lies ever end?
Sadly, this one resonates with me right now. Expectations, no matter how limited, will always bring heartache. I've always had a hard time with feeling ignored. It's as though memory of me slips from the minds of those I am thinking of as soon as I leave their presence. Give me a slice of your time and I will give all I have to offer. Cease to spare a thought for me and my heart will break forever.
November 19, 2008
I slide into reality from a place that is not here.
The weight of my world is dearly felt by my tender shoulders, crooked with the effort of upholding.
I sigh with this tremendous load and fear that I will not be able to draw breath again as I am crushed from above.
But, I know that this, like all things, will have its end.
I will not always wear this yolk, although I will adopt others.
No amount of wishing or turning my eyes to the past will help the situation now.
I must press onward, keeping my face to the east – toward the rising sun and progress.
Each leg moves at an elephants pace, finding purchase in the uneven ground and allowing the other leg to do the same.
As I continue, this burden that I carry, that is part of me, slowly melts into my skin and becomes Me.
My whole being is infused with that which once oppressed me – making me stronger.
I dance with the realization that I am free.
Leaps, bounds, a series of spins, and I fly!
I turn my face to the east – toward the rising sun and progress.
This poem speaks the story of my life a dozen times over. I can never seem to do something according to the book, as it were; things always have to be so much harder for me because I am doing them. However, every time I am met with unconscionable hardship I am also given the tools to overcome and grow. My soul has been washed with gravel. My heart; spat on with acid. And yet, I turn to my Savior still and find that I am capable of rising to the occasion -- of flying into the future with the blindingly brilliant sun in my eyes.
December 16, 2008
One day I will awake
To a life I did not plan
And on that day I will break
Free from my own demands
To live apart from inhibitions
And sip the honey wine of freedom
Making only my own decisions
The queen of my own kingdom
And if by chance my peace is lost
My castle walls encroached upon
I shall welcome sadly the weary cost
Of living with certainty all but gone
I will live and love, accept my fate
Farewell to all I am and know
Embracing, completely, my future's weight
Sometimes, there is nothing that can be done. No amount of effort or ambition or purpose can change the outcome of events set in motion before the hand of man encroached. Sometimes acceptance is what takes courage.
September 26, 2008
The Following were all written the same day. I dedicate the last to my cat, Annie.
A stolen heart, a world apart she creeps in search of sanctity
Each night she searches for her soul; mornings dawn with misery
Most unworthy was her love who did not love at all
The heights of heaven cannot be reached; without a heart she falls
And moaning, groaning through the night we hear her distant plea
“Come back, my love, come back and bring, my shattered heart to me.”
Happy puppy with no skin, he prances, dances, scaring men
And women too, but he does not scare me
For I am his friendly, flaky flea!
Zombie cat your face is cracked and oozing forth with pus
Thin and mangy to extreme, to keep you is no fuss
You want a rub behind your ears but my hand finds day-old scab
For you were not a kitten born, but produced within a lab
Ignored
Laying on the ground,
Watching the sun go by
Watching lovely things die
Laying on the ground
Watching the earth
Shift and spin
Will the world ever be
The same again?
Moments passing moments,
Creating new Atonements
To be sought
So start seeking
Learn to stop speaking
Or you’ll have more
Fights that can’t be won
So tired of being ignored
What is it that makes
People so bored
They have to ignore –
Ignore me again
Leave me alone
Don’t
Pretend to be friends
And I’ll stab you in the back
Can’t take it back
I’m a viper in the sand
I’ll bite you
When you take my hand
As a friend
When do the lies –
Do the lies ever end?
Sadly, this one resonates with me right now. Expectations, no matter how limited, will always bring heartache. I've always had a hard time with feeling ignored. It's as though memory of me slips from the minds of those I am thinking of as soon as I leave their presence. Give me a slice of your time and I will give all I have to offer. Cease to spare a thought for me and my heart will break forever.
November 19, 2008
I slide into reality from a place that is not here.
The weight of my world is dearly felt by my tender shoulders, crooked with the effort of upholding.
I sigh with this tremendous load and fear that I will not be able to draw breath again as I am crushed from above.
But, I know that this, like all things, will have its end.
I will not always wear this yolk, although I will adopt others.
No amount of wishing or turning my eyes to the past will help the situation now.
I must press onward, keeping my face to the east – toward the rising sun and progress.
Each leg moves at an elephants pace, finding purchase in the uneven ground and allowing the other leg to do the same.
As I continue, this burden that I carry, that is part of me, slowly melts into my skin and becomes Me.
My whole being is infused with that which once oppressed me – making me stronger.
I dance with the realization that I am free.
Leaps, bounds, a series of spins, and I fly!
I turn my face to the east – toward the rising sun and progress.
This poem speaks the story of my life a dozen times over. I can never seem to do something according to the book, as it were; things always have to be so much harder for me because I am doing them. However, every time I am met with unconscionable hardship I am also given the tools to overcome and grow. My soul has been washed with gravel. My heart; spat on with acid. And yet, I turn to my Savior still and find that I am capable of rising to the occasion -- of flying into the future with the blindingly brilliant sun in my eyes.
December 16, 2008
One day I will awake
To a life I did not plan
And on that day I will break
Free from my own demands
To live apart from inhibitions
And sip the honey wine of freedom
Making only my own decisions
The queen of my own kingdom
And if by chance my peace is lost
My castle walls encroached upon
I shall welcome sadly the weary cost
Of living with certainty all but gone
I will live and love, accept my fate
Farewell to all I am and know
Embracing, completely, my future's weight
Sometimes, there is nothing that can be done. No amount of effort or ambition or purpose can change the outcome of events set in motion before the hand of man encroached. Sometimes acceptance is what takes courage.
September 26, 2008
The Following were all written the same day. I dedicate the last to my cat, Annie.
A stolen heart, a world apart she creeps in search of sanctity
Each night she searches for her soul; mornings dawn with misery
Most unworthy was her love who did not love at all
The heights of heaven cannot be reached; without a heart she falls
And moaning, groaning through the night we hear her distant plea
“Come back, my love, come back and bring, my shattered heart to me.”
Happy puppy with no skin, he prances, dances, scaring men
And women too, but he does not scare me
For I am his friendly, flaky flea!
Zombie cat your face is cracked and oozing forth with pus
Thin and mangy to extreme, to keep you is no fuss
You want a rub behind your ears but my hand finds day-old scab
For you were not a kitten born, but produced within a lab
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Love Language
Today I drove in Southern California traffic today to take my sister to a doctor's appointment.
As I drove, it occurred to me that I have spent a considerable amount of time in the past nursing my family. I've done everything from cleaning scrapes and cuts to cleaning up after flu victims to helping with broken bones and post surgery care.
When I was fourteen my mom had major back surgery. She had a 53 degree curve in her spine caused by years of scoliosis. She not only received titanium rods and screws but one of her ribs was sacrificed as the base for bone grafts in her lumbar vertebrae. She received several quarts of blood during surgery and had a heart arrhythmia on the table. After a time in the hospital, we got to take mom home to recover.
Days were long and very difficult. It took half the morning just to get up for the day and then she wanted to go back to sleep.
Mom needed help with most things those first few weeks and I was the one to help her. I assisted her when she needed to stand up or sit down, cleaned her scars to help them heal correctly, and kept her company.
I also helped run the household.
We had dinners provided for a while and the family budget was managed by my older sister. I helped with the grocery shopping and food prep at home for the other meals. We were given so much pizza and lasagna that summer.
A day in my life that summer looked something like this:
Wake up at 7am. Lay out Dad's clothes and breakfast. Make sure everyone else got breakfast if they wanted some. Start on the laundry. Hang the laundry on the line because the dryer was broken. Repeat, repeat, repeat. Help mom get up and ready for the day. Help mom sit in her chair. Send the little kids outside to play so that mom could have some quiet and so I could keep the house somewhat clean. Make lunch. Spend the afternoon doing laundry, cleaning, taking care of someone, reading or playing Krondor on the computer. Go to bed at 10pm and start all over in the morning.
That was the first year we had Lagoon season passports and we used them frequently. One time Lorri and I loaded up the kids and the laundry in the van, dropped the kiddos off at Lagoon and spent several hours at a laundry mat. It was wonderful! Several loads at once, plus the dryers worked! Well, better than our broken dryer.
I loved it.
I felt like I had a purpose all day, every day. Sometimes I didn't love it as much as other times, but overall I think it was one of my very most productive summers.
Medicine; taking care of people, is in my blood. It's a divine calling that I feel drawn to. I cannot deny it and whatever obstacles present themselves I try my very hardest to overcome. The best I can do is to try.
This summer I met a man who looked me in the eye and told me that one of my gifts is that of nurturing. I laughed it off, saying that anyone who knew me would be able to see that. I was reminded that he had only known me for 20 minutes. It was as though the breath had been drawn out of my lungs. My brain paused as I considered this observation. It is true. No, it is True, with a capital T. Nurturing is my love language. If I boss or prod or ask a million questions and try to help fix things for you or simply ask if you have been eating enough leafy greens -- it means that I love you in some way. I'm not trying to be annoying, that's just how it sounds at first.
I once told a friend that I can't date boys younger than me because I automatically go into mothering mode and try to boss them around -- even if I'm only a few weeks older. I now realize how absurd that comment was: I will "mother" everyone I meet. It is very easy for me to love.
As I drove, it occurred to me that I have spent a considerable amount of time in the past nursing my family. I've done everything from cleaning scrapes and cuts to cleaning up after flu victims to helping with broken bones and post surgery care.
When I was fourteen my mom had major back surgery. She had a 53 degree curve in her spine caused by years of scoliosis. She not only received titanium rods and screws but one of her ribs was sacrificed as the base for bone grafts in her lumbar vertebrae. She received several quarts of blood during surgery and had a heart arrhythmia on the table. After a time in the hospital, we got to take mom home to recover.
Days were long and very difficult. It took half the morning just to get up for the day and then she wanted to go back to sleep.
Mom needed help with most things those first few weeks and I was the one to help her. I assisted her when she needed to stand up or sit down, cleaned her scars to help them heal correctly, and kept her company.
I also helped run the household.
We had dinners provided for a while and the family budget was managed by my older sister. I helped with the grocery shopping and food prep at home for the other meals. We were given so much pizza and lasagna that summer.
A day in my life that summer looked something like this:
Wake up at 7am. Lay out Dad's clothes and breakfast. Make sure everyone else got breakfast if they wanted some. Start on the laundry. Hang the laundry on the line because the dryer was broken. Repeat, repeat, repeat. Help mom get up and ready for the day. Help mom sit in her chair. Send the little kids outside to play so that mom could have some quiet and so I could keep the house somewhat clean. Make lunch. Spend the afternoon doing laundry, cleaning, taking care of someone, reading or playing Krondor on the computer. Go to bed at 10pm and start all over in the morning.
That was the first year we had Lagoon season passports and we used them frequently. One time Lorri and I loaded up the kids and the laundry in the van, dropped the kiddos off at Lagoon and spent several hours at a laundry mat. It was wonderful! Several loads at once, plus the dryers worked! Well, better than our broken dryer.
I loved it.
I felt like I had a purpose all day, every day. Sometimes I didn't love it as much as other times, but overall I think it was one of my very most productive summers.
Medicine; taking care of people, is in my blood. It's a divine calling that I feel drawn to. I cannot deny it and whatever obstacles present themselves I try my very hardest to overcome. The best I can do is to try.
This summer I met a man who looked me in the eye and told me that one of my gifts is that of nurturing. I laughed it off, saying that anyone who knew me would be able to see that. I was reminded that he had only known me for 20 minutes. It was as though the breath had been drawn out of my lungs. My brain paused as I considered this observation. It is true. No, it is True, with a capital T. Nurturing is my love language. If I boss or prod or ask a million questions and try to help fix things for you or simply ask if you have been eating enough leafy greens -- it means that I love you in some way. I'm not trying to be annoying, that's just how it sounds at first.
I once told a friend that I can't date boys younger than me because I automatically go into mothering mode and try to boss them around -- even if I'm only a few weeks older. I now realize how absurd that comment was: I will "mother" everyone I meet. It is very easy for me to love.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight...
I wish I may, I wish I might
Have this wish I wish tonight
I'll even let you pick which one.
I wish that I could make myself grow or shrink on demand.
I wish that I had the power to feed the world.
I wish that grasshoppers turned into those rubber poppers and then back into grasshoppers each time they hopped. That way, you would be able to see a brightly colored hemisphere coming right at you before the grasshopper landed and made you scream.
I wish that we had neighborhoods at the bottom of the ocean and had to take a submarine to get home. Or on the moon and had to take a rocket to get home. That would be cool too.
I wish that I could spend a night in a giant kangaroo's pouch and listen to it's heartbeat in the fuzzy darkness. It could be like a traveling hotel.
I wish that I could understand what people really mean when they speak.
I wish that I could see into people's bodies to figure out what makes them unhealthy at the molecular level and be able to fix it by ordering the molecules to sort themselves out. I think that's sort of how Jesus healed people. Knowledge is power.
I wish I could see into the future just one year so I can know how best to prepare.
I wish that I had more confidence in social situations. I always seem to fall back on my wallflower tendencies with zero ability to make small talk.
I wish I could hear back from a job.
I wish that I had no regrets.
I wish that I could take back all of those wishes I wished as a child. They were always exactly the same. I wish I hadn't wasted them on something I knew wouldn't happen.
I wish that I could meet my children before they are born. I just want to see their faces.
I wish that I could understand.
I wish that life could be a musical for 24 hours. Of course, it would feel like only 120 minutes because musicals are not very long and a ton happens in each five minute song, but still.
I wish that I had the disposable time and resources to accomplish all of my dreams. They are many and varied.
I wish that Erda had a fifth ward. And that I would get to name it. I'd pick something much better than the fourth ward's name.
I wish that I could go to the state fair and ride the ferris wheel and see the whole town lit up.
I wish that I could whistle. I really stink at whistling.
I wish that I could fly.
I wish that I could dictate my dreams. Wow, that would be amazing.
I wish that I understood chemistry.
I wish that I could rewind time and start college at the level of social and personal development that I am right now. Wow, I'd be unstoppable.
I wish that I could intern with Indiana Jones. I'm not afraid of snakes.
I wish that I could spend a year studying fairy tales and have the resources to find the literal stories behind each one. That would, of course, involve time travel.
I wish that I could read each book in the world at least once. Actually, some are best left untouched. I wish that I could read every good book int he world at least once.
I wish that I could be faithful enough to see a vision and understand it's meaning.
I wish that there were a pill for knowledge. No more studying!
I wish that I could open a door into a fantasy land I'd created for myself as an occasional escape.
I wish that I could provide meaningful service every day to someone who really, really needed it.
I wish that brownies really did make your troubles go away. I'd make so many brownies! I'd share them with homeless people and single moms.
I wish that I could find a wrecktastic cake to submit to Cake Wrecks and then get mentioned on the website.
I wish that I had some reason to write a best selling book.
I wish that I could trust people better.
I wish that I could accomplish at least one meaningful wish every day.
I wish that I could make someone else happy each day.
I wish that mermaids were real.
I wish that I could go to Italy. I've always wanted to learn Italian and eat real pasta after attending the opera.
I wish that I could write a hit song.
I wish that I could banish feelings of being taken for granted. I really struggle with that one.
I wish that I could find time to speak my mind, my real mind, and be heard. I wish I knew what I would say in such an instance.
I wish that countries didn't have borders and travel were free from one place to another according to where you most fit in and would love to be. I wish that people didn't kill each other for power. I wish that I could comprehend the human condition. I wish that I could help bring peace to this broken world.
I wish that I could meet an alien.
I wish that I knew my real name. I've never felt like my name is really mine. My true name is in a language I've never heard before. Sometimes it takes me a second to remember what my name is so that I can tell someone if they ask. I know it's weird, but that's how it's always been.
I wish that I could submit a photo to the state fair and win something.
I wish I could just win something. I never do.
I wish that all children could go to school.
I wish that people never have to eat from the garbage of others. Ever again.
I wish that my heart had the capability to love everyone in the world. What a magnificent thing that would be.
I wish that I could still my mind and hold my heart in my hands to give it away.
I wish I could accept the advice of those who love me.
I wish I could accept the advice I have given to those I love.
I wish that wishes really were fishes. Then I would never have to worry about what to make for dinner.
I wish I knew how to fix myself.
I wish I could just make up my mind already.
I wish that I never had reason to break my own heart.
I wish that children would be more kind to one another.
I wish that I knew how to waltz and ballroom dance.
I wish I could sing.
I wish I could play the violin. As opposed to simply pretending to know how to play.
I wish that I could figure all of this out.
Have this wish I wish tonight
I'll even let you pick which one.
I wish that I could make myself grow or shrink on demand.
I wish that I had the power to feed the world.
I wish that grasshoppers turned into those rubber poppers and then back into grasshoppers each time they hopped. That way, you would be able to see a brightly colored hemisphere coming right at you before the grasshopper landed and made you scream.
I wish that we had neighborhoods at the bottom of the ocean and had to take a submarine to get home. Or on the moon and had to take a rocket to get home. That would be cool too.
I wish that I could spend a night in a giant kangaroo's pouch and listen to it's heartbeat in the fuzzy darkness. It could be like a traveling hotel.
I wish that I could understand what people really mean when they speak.
I wish that I could see into people's bodies to figure out what makes them unhealthy at the molecular level and be able to fix it by ordering the molecules to sort themselves out. I think that's sort of how Jesus healed people. Knowledge is power.
I wish I could see into the future just one year so I can know how best to prepare.
I wish that I had more confidence in social situations. I always seem to fall back on my wallflower tendencies with zero ability to make small talk.
I wish I could hear back from a job.
I wish that I had no regrets.
I wish that I could take back all of those wishes I wished as a child. They were always exactly the same. I wish I hadn't wasted them on something I knew wouldn't happen.
I wish that I could meet my children before they are born. I just want to see their faces.
I wish that I could understand.
I wish that life could be a musical for 24 hours. Of course, it would feel like only 120 minutes because musicals are not very long and a ton happens in each five minute song, but still.
I wish that I had the disposable time and resources to accomplish all of my dreams. They are many and varied.
I wish that Erda had a fifth ward. And that I would get to name it. I'd pick something much better than the fourth ward's name.
I wish that I could go to the state fair and ride the ferris wheel and see the whole town lit up.
I wish that I could whistle. I really stink at whistling.
I wish that I could fly.
I wish that I could dictate my dreams. Wow, that would be amazing.
I wish that I understood chemistry.
I wish that I could rewind time and start college at the level of social and personal development that I am right now. Wow, I'd be unstoppable.
I wish that I could intern with Indiana Jones. I'm not afraid of snakes.
I wish that I could spend a year studying fairy tales and have the resources to find the literal stories behind each one. That would, of course, involve time travel.
I wish that I could read each book in the world at least once. Actually, some are best left untouched. I wish that I could read every good book int he world at least once.
I wish that I could be faithful enough to see a vision and understand it's meaning.
I wish that there were a pill for knowledge. No more studying!
I wish that I could open a door into a fantasy land I'd created for myself as an occasional escape.
I wish that I could provide meaningful service every day to someone who really, really needed it.
I wish that brownies really did make your troubles go away. I'd make so many brownies! I'd share them with homeless people and single moms.
I wish that I could find a wrecktastic cake to submit to Cake Wrecks and then get mentioned on the website.
I wish that I had some reason to write a best selling book.
I wish that I could trust people better.
I wish that I could accomplish at least one meaningful wish every day.
I wish that I could make someone else happy each day.
I wish that mermaids were real.
I wish that I could go to Italy. I've always wanted to learn Italian and eat real pasta after attending the opera.
I wish that I could write a hit song.
I wish that I could banish feelings of being taken for granted. I really struggle with that one.
I wish that I could find time to speak my mind, my real mind, and be heard. I wish I knew what I would say in such an instance.
I wish that countries didn't have borders and travel were free from one place to another according to where you most fit in and would love to be. I wish that people didn't kill each other for power. I wish that I could comprehend the human condition. I wish that I could help bring peace to this broken world.
I wish that I could meet an alien.
I wish that I knew my real name. I've never felt like my name is really mine. My true name is in a language I've never heard before. Sometimes it takes me a second to remember what my name is so that I can tell someone if they ask. I know it's weird, but that's how it's always been.
I wish that I could submit a photo to the state fair and win something.
I wish I could just win something. I never do.
I wish that all children could go to school.
I wish that people never have to eat from the garbage of others. Ever again.
I wish that my heart had the capability to love everyone in the world. What a magnificent thing that would be.
I wish that I could still my mind and hold my heart in my hands to give it away.
I wish I could accept the advice of those who love me.
I wish I could accept the advice I have given to those I love.
I wish that wishes really were fishes. Then I would never have to worry about what to make for dinner.
I wish I knew how to fix myself.
I wish I could just make up my mind already.
I wish that I never had reason to break my own heart.
I wish that children would be more kind to one another.
I wish that I knew how to waltz and ballroom dance.
I wish I could sing.
I wish I could play the violin. As opposed to simply pretending to know how to play.
I wish that I could figure all of this out.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Someday
Dispatch
And I will walk with you,
using the stars as guides.
On a homeward path we go
Knowing our time is nigh
I, and I will walk to be with you.
All I've done,
to be with you...
So put your hand in mine,
and lay your head to rest.
We'll light the candles now - they won't be lit for long
we'll know our day was blessed
I, and I will walk to be with you.
All I've done, all I've done
Just to be with you...
I, I,
And I will walk with you,
Using the stars as guides
on a homeward path we go,
knowin' our time is nigh
I, I will walk to be with you.
All I've done,
and all I say
I, I,
To be with you,
to be with you,
to be with you,
And I will walk with you,
using the stars as guides.
On a homeward path we go
Knowing our time is nigh
I, and I will walk to be with you.
All I've done,
to be with you...
So put your hand in mine,
and lay your head to rest.
We'll light the candles now - they won't be lit for long
we'll know our day was blessed
I, and I will walk to be with you.
All I've done, all I've done
Just to be with you...
I, I,
And I will walk with you,
Using the stars as guides
on a homeward path we go,
knowin' our time is nigh
I, I will walk to be with you.
All I've done,
and all I say
I, I,
To be with you,
to be with you,
to be with you,
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