On Validation

I love this video.

Basically, I love it because I use validation as a verb in my common vernacular. I love to validate others and feel fuzzy when they validate me.

As a painfully shy, socially inept teen I began to notice common social courtesies that other's would bestow on friends or those they wished to impress. Compliments and other forms of validation were high on the list.

So I began practicing the art of compliments. At first I would just try to think up something nice about another person. Then I graduated to voicing my observation and accompanying nice thought. This was tricky, however, because there isn't always an appropriate time to tell someone that you think they have a well-shaped nose.

I struggled.

So I began focusing on my non-existent conversation skills. Simply carrying on for a few minutes in oratory exchange outside the required discussion of school work etc. was quite a challenge.

I struggled.

So I decided to revert. After observing a group of elementary kids interact I realized that kids just blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. Take this kid for example. I practiced just letting words flow from my loose lips.

I embarrassed myself often.

But I made progress.

As I transversed each social experiment, I was careful to pay attention and incorporate things that had worked previously. I would tell a joke, show my interest in what someone was saying by asking questions, and offer compliments. In fact, it is a rule of mine to never suppress a compliment or a kind word that might lift another. This is just as important as keeping rude or judgemental comments inside.

There is no telling when someone is really in need of some validation for their talent, fashion sense, work, or the shape of their nose.

What is Charity, Anyhow?

I think this was my very favorite talk of this General Conference.


There is no limit on what can be said of tolerance, patience, and true understanding. Christ does not judge without knowing the full story. He does not withhold his blessings due to perceived differences. He treats us all fairly because He knows why we are as we are.


I do judge without knowing the full story. I do withhold my service due to misunderstandings and incongruencies of thought. I cannot be truly fair. I cannot help but to be less than charitable in my thoughts and actions. Particularly when I feel the sting of having been judged poorly myself.


Yet, I recognize differences, ponder on them, and find that I love people more for the things that make them different from me. If there is some way in which I can be of service, offer an uplifting word, or simply wait for an opportunity, I try to do so.


It is a small start, indeed, but I hope to one day understand charity as Presidet Thomas S. Monson does:

My dear sisters, each of you is unique. You are different from each other in many ways. There are those of you who are married. Some of you stay at home with your children, while others of you work outside your homes. Some of you are empty nesters. There are those of you who are married but do not have children. There are those who are divorced, those who are widowed. Many of you are single women. Some of you have college degrees; some of you do not. There are those who can afford the latest fashions and those who are lucky to have one appropriate Sunday outfit. Such differences are almost endless. Do these differences tempt us to judge one another?
Mother Teresa, a Catholic nun who worked among the poor in India most of her life, spoke this profound truth: “If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”5 The Savior has admonished, “This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.”6 I ask: can we love one another, as the Savior has commanded, if we judge each other? And I answer—with Mother Teresa: no, we cannot.
The Apostle James taught, “If any . . . among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man’s [or woman’s] religion is vain.”7
I have always loved your Relief Society motto: “Charity never faileth.”8 What is charity? The prophet Mormon teaches us that “charity is the pure love of Christ.”9 In his farewell message to the Lamanites, Moroni declared, “Except ye have charity ye can in nowise be saved in the kingdom of God.”10

I consider charity—or “the pure love of Christ”—to be the opposite of criticism and judging. In speaking of charity, I do not at this moment have in mind the relief of the suffering through the giving of our substance. That, of course, is necessary and proper. Tonight, however, I have in mind the charity that manifests itself when we are tolerant of others and lenient toward their actions, the kind of charity that forgives, the kind of charity that is patient.


I have in mind the charity that impels us to be sympathetic, compassionate, and merciful, not only in times of sickness and affliction and distress but also in times of weakness or error on the part of others.


There is a serious need for the charity that gives attention to those who are unnoticed, hope to those who are discouraged, aid to those who are afflicted. True charity is love in action. The need for charity is everywhere.


Needed is the charity which refuses to find satisfaction in hearing or in repeating the reports of misfortunes that come to others, unless by so doing, the unfortunate one may be benefited. The American educator and politician Horace Mann once said, “To pity distress is but human; to relieve it is godlike.”11
 Charity is having patience with someone who has let us down. It is resisting the impulse to become offended easily. It is accepting weaknesses and shortcomings. It is accepting people as they truly are. It is looking beyond physical appearances to attributes that will not dim through time. It is resisting the impulse to categorize others.

...

In a hundred small ways, all of you wear the mantle of charity. Life is perfect for none of us. Rather than being judgmental and critical of each other, may we have the pure love of Christ for our fellow travelers in this journey through life. May we recognize that each one is doing her best to deal with the challenges which come her way, and may we strive to do our best to help out.

Charity has been defined as “the highest, noblest, strongest kind of love,”12 the “pure love of Christ . . . ; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with [her].”13
“Charity never faileth.” May this long-enduring Relief Society motto, this timeless truth, guide you in everything you do. May it permeate your very souls and find expression in all your thoughts and actions.



What's Playing on the Tube?

When I was a kid we didn't have a TV for what feels like most of my childhood.

Then, one fine day, my parents purchased a little 9" television with built in VCR! It was supposed to keep anyone from resorting to murder (mostly my parents) as we took a road trip from Illinois to Oregon via Utah. The TV was propped up on the cooler between the driver and front passenger seats and plugged into the cigarette lighter. We were traveling in style!

After the vastly successful road trip (the most I can remember is that no one in the family could eat gummy bears until about five years later -- but that's a story for another time) we had a television again!

It was small, sure, but the screen looked really big if you got really close and the important buttons were on the front so it didn't matter if the remote was lost. We got about four channels on that TV: NBC, CBS, PBS, and the local religion channel.

When the regular networks were really stinking up the air, we would watch the religion channel as a last resort to continue basking in the soft glow of consumerism at it's finest. That's when I was first introduced to church on the television.

What a novel concept!

Worship in your pajamas or underwear if you choose! Why didn't we, as LDS, get to do that on Sundays?!

As it turns out, we do. Twice a year! I just didn't know about it when I was a kid because the church had a satellite dish so we got to go there on Saturday as well as Sunday to view the General Conference messages in the chapel. My mom would sometimes let us bring library books, coloring books, and quiet toys to keep us occupied during those long meetings. And in between sessions: pot luck time! All in all, it was pretty great.

Tabernacle on Temple Square

But, there's just something to be said about listening to prophets of God speaking in your own home via technology that you use every other day of the year. Inviting the gospel into my home through such mundane means seems to consecrate those vessels and serve as a reminder for what amazing things technology can accomplish. It's just sort of special.

When Natural Monkey-Man Flings Poo, Throw Love In Return

There exists a disconnect between physical desires and spiritual needs.

My dad likes to say that natural man basically has the instinct of a chimp or bonobo. We are all naturally capable of being sweet, lusty, and ingenious, but also spiteful, calculating, and vicious. 

For various reasons it is hardwired into these temporal bodies to behave instinctively to secure the most beneficial outcome of any situation for ourselves.  That is part of the reason why it is so difficult to reign in physical desires and make way for spiritual needs to come first; it is contrary to natural man's instinct.

My whole life I have felt these two aspects of myself battling for control over my person. Quite often they are in sync; neither needs to gain power because I'm just plodding along without challenge. Sometimes the spirit side of me shares a glimpse or two of what it is to be eternal.

More often than I admit, natural man takes over and starts flinging poo around like there's no tomorrow.

In the aftermath of such an incident, regular me has to clean it all up. Sometimes there's no excuse that can be made for the bad behavior and all I can do is shrug and hope that anyone else involved can understand. Most of the time I simply attempt to exclude myself from social situations when I feel those instincts bubbling up to the surface.

I don't notice guys. Particularly not guys who are noticing me. It's a blind spot I've always had. The truly sad thing is that I've always been depressed because I can't notice them noticing me so I downplay every social situation where it may be possible to be noticed in attempts to avoid getting my hopes up and then dashed to pieces.

Are you still following me?

Let me break it down: I can't tell if men are interested. This makes me sad. I feel rejected before ever feeling accepted. I instinctively try to protect myself from the emotional trauma of rejection by downplaying any instance where a young man might be interested.

It's cyclical and horrible and not very healthy. Lying to oneself is treacherous business.

This is where that inner monkey/natural man comes into play.

I begin to lash out with poisonous cynicism that taints my interactions with others. I dwell on past hurts, mostly self-inflicted, and can barely get through an hour, much less a day, without some kind of upheaval. After a while I am so exhausted by the constant tantrums that I just go numb and can't feel much of anything.

That's when my other self comes in to tidy the rooms of my mind and heart; to let some light in and push back the ugly side of natural instinct. This takes a lot of effort but keeps me occupied. I try really hard to be of use to others during this time.

Once things settle down a little and I give in to the luxury of introspection, the thoughts often come back in their tiring manner and start off a new cycle of self doubt, destruction, and repression.

It's too tiring to continue. 

My new goal: learn to love that monkey inside of me and embrace the human experience instead of attempting, and failing, to hide the fact. I am a human being with very real, passionate feelings of anger, love, hurt, envy, appetite, sloth, greed, and pride.

Each of the seven deadly sins, and then some, are alive and kicking inside of me, rest assured. I am no saint.

The only way to gain some solidarity is to recognize and accept the good as well as bad and love myself despite it all. Otherwise, I will be a constant disappointment to myself.

And so, because I know my weaknesses all to well, here is a list of things I can do well:

Listen to people: worries, problems, fears, good news, ideas, fancies, and general conversation.
Offer useful advice and serve as a cheer leader in the purest sense.
Cook: anything and everything I decide.
Bake: anything and everything I decide.
Work hard to accomplish a specific goal.
Create: anything and everything I decide.
Focus on the task at hand with dedication.
Humor: I laugh very easily.
Enjoy nature; even the less beautiful places and things.
Offer compassion and understanding; empathy.
Love: it is extremely easy for me to find things to love about others, no matter who they are. It's something I've been practicing for a long time. I think it is time to turn this skill onto myself.

Wake Me Up When September Ends

I guess September ends tonight.

So many things have to end. Sometimes it feels premature at the time, but after a while, it's easy to see why endings are crucial. They make way for beginnings of a different sort.

pic

Green Day
Wake Me Up When September Ends
Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when September ends

like my father's come to pass
seven years has gone so fastwake me up when September ends

here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are
as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lostwake me up when September ends

summer has come and passed
the innocent can never last
wake me up when September ends

ring out the bells again
like we did when spring began
wake me up when September ends

here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are

as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when September ends

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when September ends

like my father's come to pass
twenty years has gone so fast
wake me up when September ends
wake me up when September ends
wake me up when September ends

Georgy Girl

This song was my favorite when I was about five years old. Which basically means that I would get ridiculously excited when it came on the radio (we usually listened to Oldies or NPR, so the chances of hearing it were good) and refuse to allow anyone to change the station.

(Words by Jim Dale and Music by Tom Springfield)

Hey there, Georgy girl
Swingin' down the street so fancy-free
Nobody you meet could ever see the loneliness there - inside you
Hey there, Georgy girl
Why do all the boys just pass you by?
Could it be you just don't try or is it the clothes you wear?

You're always window shopping but never stopping to buy
So shed those dowdy feathers and fly - a little bit

Hey there, Georgy girl
There's another Georgy deep inside
Bring out all the love you hide and, oh, what a change there'd be
The world would see a new Georgy girl

[Instrumental Interlude]

Hey there, Georgy girl
Dreamin'; of the someone you could be
Life is a reality, you can't always run away
Don't be so scared of changing and rearranging yourself
It's time for jumping down from the shelf - a little bit

Hey there, Georgy girl
There's another Georgy deep inside
Bring out all the love you hide and, oh, what a change there'd be
The world would see a new Georgy girl

(Hey there, Georgy girl)
Wake up, Georgy girl
(Hey there, Georgy girl)
Come on, Georgy girl

[Fade]

(Hey there, Georgy girl)
Wake up, Georgy girl

I liked the whistling.

As I got older, the song became more meaningful. I was a Georgy girl. I needed to do some vast rearranging, let go of my loneliness, and let the world see how much love I have to offer.

Huzzah!

A few years ago I was doing one of my crazy "I must learn everything I possibly can about my latest obsession!!" phases and Georgy Girl was up to bat. After listening to the Seekers a billion and a half times I began my hunt for the film version of the story.

That weekend I went home to visit my family. My mother must have some pretty mad telepathy skills, let me tell you! When I arrived at home, she said, "You know that Georgy Girl song? You used to like it when you were little. Well, I ordered the film online and it just came today."

Serendipity!

We all watched the film as a family and discussed the moral and social impact of choices. It is not a feel-good movie, despite the chipper main tune, but I think I'll keep it on my shelf.

Georgy Girl
Film Version

(Words by Jim Dale and Music by Tom Springfield)

Hey there, Georgy girl
Swingin' down the street so fancy-free
Nobody you meet could ever see the loneliness there - inside you
Hey there, Georgy girl
Look at all the boyfriends you don't get Why do all the boys just pass you by?
Never had a real one yet, just look at the clothes you wear

You're always window shopping but never stopping to buy
Just shed those dowdy feathers and fly - a little bit

Hey there, Georgy girl
Give yourself a treat, like most girls do
Get another hairstyle too and, oh, what a change there'd be
The world would see a new Georgy girl

[Instrumental Interlude]

Hey there, Georgy girl
Dreamin'; of the someone you could be
Life is a reality, you can't always run away
Don't be so scared of changing and rearranging yourself
It's time for jumping down from the shelf - a little bit

Hey there, Georgy girl
Give yourself a chance and you will see
Confidence is all you need, and, oh, what a change there'd be
The world would see a new Georgy girl

(Hey there, Georgy girl)
Wake up, Georgy girl
(Hey there, Georgy girl)
Come on, Georgy girl

[Fade]

(Hey there, Georgy girl)
Wake up, Georgy girl

So, guess what I did? I chopped most of my hair off so I couldn't hide anymore, bought some new clothes and accessories, and gained a ton of confidence by doing difficult things and living through the most stressful time of my life to date.

I thought I was ready to jump down from the shelf. Yet, I'm not so sure any more. Someday it will be time. I just don't think I'm quite there now.

Any other Georgy girls/guys out there? How did you know when it was time to jump?

Sloth Love

My second/third grade teacher, Mrs. K., was an amazing woman. She loved coffee, children, and the rain forest. Under her tutelage I learned about American Indians, how to survive a bear attack (play dead and let it eat you a little until it gets bored; do NOT climb up a tree because bears can climb too), and multiplication tables.

She was an amazing teacher who remains one of my very favorites. Probably because I was so often her "special helper" during my second year in her classroom. The school had wanted to move me into the Gifted program during third grade but I had so much anxiety over the prospect that I was granted special permission to remain with Mrs. K. because she taught combined grades.

In any case, Mrs. K. taught a section on the rain forest when I was in the second grade. She had been to the Amazon several times and was an expert! We learned about the Emergent Layer, Canopy, Under Storey, Shrub Layer, and Forest Floor. We also learned about the animals that occupy each unique layer and how they influence each other. Each child was assigned to choose an animal to research and share with the class. I wanted to study tree frogs because they are cute, but I got sloths instead.

And thus began my long-distance love affair with the sloth!

Years later, if ever the topic of sloths came up in conversation I would declare, "Oh, I just love sloths!" and leave it at that.

In fact, sloths remained my "favorite" exotic animal until the Giant Galapagos Tortoise came into the picture when I first studied Darwin and Evolution in School.

Oh, I just love Giant Galapagos Tortoises!

Last week I looked up sloths online.

They are freaky and weird.

Sloths are mammals with very slow metabolisms. It can take weeks for a sloth to digest a belly-full of leaves, which constitutes their main dietary food group. Mmmm, leaves. Essentially, they rely on gut flora to digest for them, so their stomachs are just compost bags attached on the inside. Everything about a sloth's anatomy and  physiology relates to their slow metabolism and therefore low energy stores.

Their main defense against predators is to not move at all. The sloth is aided in this attempt by the vast amounts of moss and other crud that grows onto their shaggy fur as natural camouflage. They are the antithesis of the adage: A rolling stone gathers no moss.

Constant lack of energy --> No movement --> Gathers vast amounts of moss, bugs, and whatever else that does not want a ride.

Apparently, baby sloths can die when they loose hold of mommy -- probably because they are too lazy to hold on -- and she is too lazy to go down to ground level to retrieve her young.

Wow.

I still just love them!

Image from here.

PS

This picture just about made me wet myself. Enjoy!