And So It Goes

Billy Joel

In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along

I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense

And every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose

But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break

And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

So I would choose to be with you
As if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

Billy Joel is my muse tonight. He is helping me via tone, poetry, and melody to say what is on my mind. Noel, these are the things I can't say. The fears I cannot voice.

There is so much fear and uncertainty in my heart; too many failed possibilities and self-sabotaged plans. The possiblities for pain far outweigh those for joy. To be overlooked and left behind is difficult. But past hurts have taught that every crack in the tiny rooms of my bruised heart allow the Savior's love to come in and expand these rooms into palaces of understanding and compassion. I have wept bitter tears and wallowed in depressing thoughts of loneliness. I have felt the thorns more often than I can admit; if you knew, it would just break your heart on my behalf.

I have just now arrived at a place inside myself where my logic and my heart can meet and accept that for now, "so it goes," is my best anthem. It is my pledge to take life as it comes, to allow good things to happen without anticipation of pain, and accept the possibility of all outcomes.

Now, shall we see if this is good enough?