Poetry and musings of a zany Mormon girl who is very proud of her Erda roots.

Friday, November 25, 2011

Life Uh-huh!

I sniffed a baby scalp today.

It smelled like perfection.

It belongs to my little sisters little boy. I'm so proud of her and of my big sister for birthing two wonderful little guys this fall. They're just three weeks apart and look pretty similar. I figure that they will either be best friends or biggest competitors.

Growing a family is so hard but seems to pay pretty good dividends. Maybe I'll invest in that in the future.

So that storm I mentioned a few posts ago...yeah, I think it's set in. It's funny how you get super busy with all aspects of life at exactly the same moment.

Here's my list for the next week:
Church calling
visiting teaching
find a new roommate
write a letter of recommendation
request letters of recommendation
sign up for classes to retake
figure out how to pay for said classes
work on applications for my Masters
cuddle a baby
pay bills
work . . . a lot
figure out Christmas gifts for my British family so my parents can take it overseas and I won't have to pay shipping
use up my Netflix free trial offer so I won't be too sad when I have to discontinue instead of paying for it
sleep so I don't get sick
read a book so Dad can stop asking me if I've read it yet
eat a lot of ramen
go to the temple
figure out which schools I'm applying to for sure
pray some more
finish a story I began to write
clean my room
scrub my bathtub
figure out my schedule for the next six months so I can work in volunteer hours
pray even more

I know my list isn't really that bad. It just feels like a lot. Especially since I've sort of checked out on responsibilities for a while because it just feels so good to not worry.

It's funny but I wasn't excited for Halloween this year. It's my very favorite holiday and I just couldn't muster a spark of enthusiasm. I dressed up, went to parties, carved my pumpkins, made pumpkin seeds, baked a lot of pumpkin chocolate chip cookies, and went to the pumpkin patch. But it just felt empty.

No, this year I'm much more excited for Christmas! I'm excited to put up the enormous tree in my parent's front room. Hot chocolate and peppermint sticks are calling my name. The lights at Temple Square seem to be my very favorite place. Snow! Lot's of snow and skiing! I want to wake up Christmas morning and make Swedish pancakes in my pajamas. I want to fulfill every Christmas tradition out there. And then make some up!

That's all. I'm going to go watch a Christmas movie or two.


Saturday, November 12, 2011


Everyday it's a-gettin' closer
Goin' faster than a roller coaster
Love like yours will surely come my way
A-hey, a-hey-hey
Everyday it's a-gettin' faster
Everyone said, go ahead and her
A-hey, a-hey-hey
Everyday seems a little longer
Every way love's a little stronger
Come what may
Do you ever long for, true love from me
Everyday it's a-gettin' closer
Goin' faster than a roller coaster
Love like yours will surely come my way
A-hey, a-hey-hey

Everyday seems a little longer
Every way love's a little stronger
Come what may
Do you ever long for, true love from me
Everyday it's a-gettin' closer
Goin' faster than a roller coaster
Love like yours will surely come my way
A-hey, a-hey-hey
Love like yours will surely come my way

Santa Monica Pier, May 2011

I've been thinking a lot about falling in love lately. Maybe it's just the season. You know. Fall is for falling in love, right? And I adore everything about Fall, so why not love too?

The problem is: I can't seem to visualize myself in the type of situation where such a fall is probable or possible.

I'm totally content with my life as it is. I have a great job, amazing luck in my housing situation, an incredible, growing family, and dreams the size of the Pacific Ocean -- what more can a girl ask of the world? Why should anyone want more than a situation that is already so unbelievably wonderful?

It honestly feels selfish to wish for anything else.

But as soon as I begin to relax, complacently is knocked over when someone reminds me of my lack. (Which starts a small cycle of guilt for being displeased at all with my life.)

Recently a regular lunch conversation turned to the topic of dating -- as things usually do between young single people. The question of choosing someone to date was brought up and has led to more questions in my churning brain: How can you know in a short period of time whether someone will be a good match? Does it matter where you meet, what they wear, or initial conversation topics? Do high heels denote a lack of depth in character? What is a "spark" and how does one delineate between coarse friction and the perfect recipe for such an intense, desirable flash of light? What are good limits to campaign for and which are ones to keep more on the fence about?

I am very Mormon. I attend church regularly, give a steady tithe of 10% of my income, I don't drink or do drugs, and I live in a conservative manner. I go to the temple as often as I am inclined -- which has been with some frequency since I moved about eight blocks from the Salt Lake temple.

Recently the question has arisen of whether or not I ought to date someone who is not a member of the LDS church. It's not as easy a question as I thought. My sisters both dated outside the church. They both married the men they dated. One brother-in-law joined the church as a result of the relationship and one did not. The one who did join the church did so simply because he believed in it -- not because of the relationship. Our family introduced him to the church and the missionaries simply as a effort to educate him in our culture and show him a little of what my sister had grown up with.

So, what about me?

I thought about it really hard this year. And realized something quite important about myself: my religious beliefs are more than just Sunday observances; they explain the deepest parts of my character, expectations, and influence all of my decisions. Including the decision of whom to date. I realized that if I were to date someone who did not share my beliefs it would be inevitable heart break. Unless he was the kind of person who would is naturally inclined to accept the principles of the LDS church anyway -- in which case he would want to join the church, right?

I don't know. It's not as cut and dry as I always thought. The one thing I do know and hold to with all I have: I will marry inside a temple and promise for this life as well as for eternity. That is my sincere desire and and is very firmly pressed into my heart.

Manti Temple

As far as dating is concerned, I've sort of adopted the principle illustrated by the saying, "A watched pot never boils." Meaning, if I think too much about it or look too hard things will never get steamy. This often leads to being oblivious of opportunities to act and expedite the process (turn up the heat -- hubbah, hubbah!).  But along the same line of thought, it's always been my belief that romances ought to proceed gradually -- becoming warmer incrementally until suddenly at a rolling boil.

Ok. Enough of the water analogies. This is going to make me pee. Plus, it's just getting bad.

I guess the main point of this post goes back to something a plasma donor told me. He said that I deserve to be with a nice man. While my initial reaction to that statement is to deny and assert my independent ability to take care of my own happiness completely, I think the wisdom of his words have sort of sunk in. When applied to others I can certainly, and very generously, wish all the happiness in the world to dear friends -- which includes finding the perfect match and helpmate.

Maybe it's the right time for me. Maybe it's not. I don't know. All I know is that I've been thinking a lot about falling in love. And every day it seems to be getting closer.

After all, I did get this fortune in my fortune cookie earlier this week:

Picture and directions found here.

Passionate new romance appears in your life when you least expect it.

Hubbah, hubbah!

Monday, November 7, 2011

The Calm Before The Storm

Have you ever wondered at how amazing life can be? Have you ever felt as though your "cup runneth over" and there's no end in sight to just how many blessings will be showered down? Have you ever felt perfectly content and blissfully happy with life?

I have.

I do.

But I know from experience that this calm and peaceful state is temporary. The storm is on it's way -- the butterfly's wing has fluttered on some remote island and air molecules are becoming super charged, bumping into one another on an inevitable path of destruction.

I know it's coming.

It always does.

But I chose to put that out of mind and just enjoy the warmth and amazing state of comfort in which I am currently basking.

I love my family.

I love my God.

I love my job, friends, house, roommates, and life.

Things are so good and I can't ask for more.

Now is not the time for worry but time for enjoyment. These are the moments we live for -- the moments when you don't have to wait to be happy but can simply "be" in the moment and that is enough.

Just thought I'd share.