Poetry and musings of a zany Mormon girl who is very proud of her Erda roots.

Thursday, April 14, 2011


Work was intense today. The job itself is pretty easy but when 30 people all show up at the same time, it can get pretty hairy, especially since we can only seat 40 people at a time when we have enough phlebotomists to meet ratio -- which almost never happens.

We had to call in reinforcements from the lab. That's why our Lab Dude was out on the floor in the first place.

The personality types that are attracted to making a quick buck via plasma donation can sometimes be a little . . . strange.

Case in point: Donor Dude.

Donor Dude always has something strange to say. He has no filter and is not shy about loudly broadcasting this fact. It is very difficult to remain poised when Donor Dude begins speaking. He is, however, very intelligent.

So, Donor Dude finished his donation after an hour straight of bizarre comments featuring some of the following doozies (paraphrased and changed based on my faulty memory, but you'll get the gist):

"Have you ever tried to woo a woman by singing Neil Diamond songs to her? I've been listening to a lot of Neil Diamond lately and I wonder if it would work. His lyrics are ridiculous!"
"...So, I just need to find a beautiful woman in the jungle of Southeast Asia...Yeah, like that would work."
"...I have a friend who knows Slovakian dances, he could teach people. Wouldn't that be crazy?"

As Lab Dude disconnected Donor Dude from the machine, getting his bottle ready to process, Donor Dude begins with a rather benign observation:

DD: You look like that singer from Reliant K!
LD: Who?
DD: I don't know his name, but you both have a rather rakish appearance.
LD: What is "rakish"? Is that even a word?
DD: I can't really define it without seeming like I'm hitting on you and that would be weird.
LD: . . .
DD: Hey! (directed toward me) You've heard of the word "rakish," right?
Z: It is a word, but I couldn't use it in a sentence. What's the definition? Use it in context.
DD: Rakish: it's like the guys on the cover of those romance novels -- wind-swept, rugged sailors. You know, those romance novels.
(Everyone within ear shot is laughing.)
Z: Like, heaving bosoms and Fabio hair?
DD: Yeah, my mom used to read those books all the time. You know, right?
Z: Are you sure your mom would be fine with you telling us these things about her? I've never read those books.
DD: (Still trying to defend the definition of "rakish") It's like dashing sailors from those books. My mom used to keep some by the toilet the whole time I was growing up.
Z: Whoa, you should really be more careful of what you admit about your mom when she isn't around!
LD: *not excited about the conversation*
DD: It really is a word.
Z: I know it is, but it's the way you're defining it that makes it funny. Sorry to laugh at you, but it's just the whole situation.

Donor Dude walks away to be paid and we all bust up laughing so hard, it hurts. A few minutes later, I was taking a bottle back to the lab for processing and Donor Dude was still trying to receive validation for his use of the word "rakish."

DD: It is a word.
Z: I know it is, and I'm going to look it up tonight. Remind me next time you come in!

. . .

So, I came home and looked up the definition of the word "rakish."

rak·ish 1 (rksh)
1. Nautical Having a trim, streamlined appearance: "We were schooner-rigged and rakish, with a long and lissome hull" (John Masefield).
2. Dashingly or sportingly stylish; jaunty.

Donor Dude was totally right!! Just in a weird, abstract sort of way. He kind of morphed several attributes of a romance novel hunk into being a rackish sailor. But, I can see how he got there.

What's more...

. . . Lab Dude totally looks like the main singer for Relient K, Matt Theissen!!

Up until this week, Lab Dude's hair even looked like Matt Theissen's!

Very rakish, indeed.

Way to be, donor dude. Way to be.

1 comment:

  1. Being rakish can be complimentary but being a rake is not. A rake is basically a womanizing jerk who takes advantage of as many ladies as he can, drinks away all of his money and leaves penniless bastards scattered all over the place, think Wickham in Pride and Prejudice or this - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rake_(character)