Poetry and musings of a zany Mormon girl who is very proud of her Erda roots.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

re: Your Brains

The Raven - Simpsons

Monster Mash


I feel discombobulated.

In the extreme.

If you've ever wondered what it might feel like to have coils of electric cord wound around every nerve in your body set as springs on high tension ready to lash out in random activity and deliver a 1.21 gigawatt jolt racing from head to boots, while at the same time experiencing lethargy, despair, elation, and a hefty serving of self doubt, then you may have wondered what it feels like to feel the way I feel right now.

Ha. Try to understand that. I dare you.

It's times like these that I just really want to be cruel to other people to watch them cry. But not children.

Never children.

Or animals.

But I won't.

I'll be good and nice. Even if my teeth are barred all the while.


So, when I was in the fifth grade my class went on a field trip to one of the local roller skate rinks. Somehow I got it in my head that the claw machine had the world's perfect toy and it needed to come home with me. I plunked my quarters into the machine waited for the claw to come alive and swung it around, aimed, and let it drop.


A few more quarters.

So close!

And nothing.

After several attempts, and many quarters, I finally got something from a claw machine! The perfect toy! A stuffed lioness! 

I had finally won something! This had almost never happened before, and almost never since.

I was so excited, fireworks were practically erupting out of my eyes!

With only a few minutes left to actually skate at the rink, I carefully placed my treasure with my shoes under a low-lying bench and glided onto the slick floor to catch up with my friends for one last go-around.

As the day came to an end, I could hardly contain the excitement of having beat the claw! I wanted to show off my stuffed lioness to everyone. Nearing my corner of the bench, I noticed that something was a little...off. My shoes had been moved. My green and blue plaid bag was disturbed. My stuffed lioness was gone!

That's when I saw a girl from my class handing an identical stuffed lioness to her boyfriend. Being the tactful (not) creature that I am, I marched right up to the girl and demanded my lioness back immediately. She insisted that it wasn't mine. Gesturing to the claw box filled with stuffed lions and lionesses she claimed to have won that particular toy from the claw.

Never mind that she was standing five feet from where I had left my stuffed lioness.

Never mind that it took me the better part of half an hour to do what she claimed to have done in less than five minutes.

Never mind that her boyfriend was looking around with a guilty countenance.

The teacher could do nothing to help me. There was no proof. I had to leave empty handed.

The girl was triumphant.

I was discombobulated.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Silly Poems


Gargoyle masks and super capes
Look around for spooky shapes
Tip-toe flutter with fairy wings
Scary, funny, or crazy things

Tricks or treats as the case may be
Pull a prank and then you flee
Sneak around as a bad-luck black cat
Or seek for blood as a vampire bat

Cut a jack-o-lantern smile
Kids run rampant for a while
Sugar rush and then the crash
Mom and Dad sift through the stash

. . .
Duck Boy

Duck boy of the Botany pond
Eats only snails found out on the lawn
His teeth are all covered in snail slime and shells
His friends have forgotten this boy whose breath smells
Upon his head no more hair will grow
For it has become a fine feathered fro
His toes are all webbed from swimming about
A beak has replaced his fine human snout
And why has this happened, do you suppose?
Do you think this life is the one that he chose?
Be sure to walk quickly, don't linger to stare
Or perhaps in the morning you will find feathers, not hair...

. . .


I once met a girl with glass in her eyes
she said that it helped to decipher truth from lies
Suppose for a minute, perhaps, that it could...
But I think she'd get tired of not seeing as she should

. . .

Lucy Goosey
lucy goosey ate a moosey
but the moose didn't care cause it ate up all her hair
and now the bald goosey is very full of moosey

. . .
Happy 21st Birthday
Golf and alcohol don't mix
And that's why I don't drink and drive
Because, good grief, I'd knock out my teeth
And have to kiss my smile goodbye

. . .

Don't Work Too Hard...
Over strung and stringing out, panties in a twist
Flipping out and flipping in, never have been kissed
Over stressed and under slept, always in a rush
Freaking out and staying in, did I forget to brush?
Over sung and under done, another for the list
Fancies seem to take the cake, another class was missed
Over worked and under paid, working anyway
Finally finish out the week, I guess it went OK

. . .


Becoming who you want to be
At a molasses pace
Can’t you see?
Take off your blind glasses
You’re not Clark Kent
You’re Superman
And it’s time to fly
Run, leap towards the sky,
Let go of the ground
You can fly

Sing your new song
It’s a tune that you know
From a time not long gone
A time beyond remembering
Because it lies inside you
Under the skin
Within the within
It’s a tune that you know
So sing your new song
The song so old it makes the
Earth young again
Inside of your song

Becoming who you always were
But couldn’t know until
You knew what no one knew
You knew the true you
The one who lives inside
Who’s waited for you to live
Who’s the source of all your living
Let go of the ground
You can fly

Sing your new song
It’s a tune that you know
For a time that is now
A time worth remembering
The song is inside you
Under the skin
Within the within
It’s a tune that you know
So sing your new song
The song so old it makes the
Earth young again
Inside of your song

Friday, October 29, 2010


Colbie Caillat - Begin Again

So, I have this little jukebox in my brain that plays a continual mix of music. There is no limit to the music -- if I have heard it even once before, bits of a song will inevitably end up on my in-head play list. Tons of songs loop through my grey matter throughout my waking hours. Actually, probably my dreaming hours too; I do wake up with songs stuck in my head quite often. I once tried to keep a list of the songs that ran around between my ears, but I gave up when I hit more than twenty just walking across campus one afternoon.

 The problem is: I don't always know how I know the song my brain has selected. Occasionally two words or a snippet of melody will play over and over again on repeat until I remember enough of the song to find it on the internet and play in full. It will haunt me for days if I can't listen to the whole thing.

Today I was running errands with my mom. Colbie Caillat's song, Begin Again, was playing over an in-store system and it got stuck in my head. Just the part that goes as follows:

Oh this is not the way that it should end
It's the way it should begin
It's the way it should begin, again

No - I never wanna fall apart
Never wanna break your heart
Never wanna let you break my own

The chord progressions and general melody move so smoothly from one part to another, it's like being on a well greased roller coaster of music. I have a terrible memory didn't remember the rest of the song so I had to come home and listen to the whole thing about fifty billion times on replay to feed that little jukebox in my brain. Luckily, this was an easy assignment from my brain.

That reminds me of another good song...

And another.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Late Bloomer

Today I had lunch with a bunch of strangers.

I've been job shadowing a PA and a pediatrician at a local clinic and today was first time I didn't drive the four minutes to go home for lunch. Armed with a microwavable sweet and sour chicken food item, an apple, and a mediocre book opened for the first time this morning, I walked into the break room prepared to nervously ignore and be ignored.

But that's not what happened.

My lunch hour was seasoned with conversation! With the whole table!

I didn't feel awkward or out of place. I didn't feel judged. I was just me. Eating lunch with a group of people who were also eating lunch.

I didn't even crack the book.

Afterward, as I waited for the doctors to finish paperwork and for a new patient to be prepped, I had an epiphany of sorts:

Everyone is your friend if that's how you treat them.

All my life I have admired those who get along easily with others. They seem to know a secret that I could never quite grasp.

Today helped me see for the first time that I've been approaching other people with an almost alien attitude. Upon meeting someone for the first time I generally worry about whether or not I am memorable or I am funny or I will be liked.

I focus on me.

My need to be recognized and appreciated.

My need to know that I am not forgettable.

My need to be liked and wanted.

This is so wrong.

The trick to gaining friends is to forget about the "me" and treat everyone as a valued friend already. There is no waiting period to see if you have enough in common to be friends. It isn't necessary. There is no limit to the number of people you can care about. Hearts expand to love more; there is no finite supply of love allotted to one person. Love is infinite. There is no such thing as a bad first impression when every new person is treated as a new best friend. Everyone appreciates feeling like the best thing since sliced bread.

Guess what? Practice makes perfect.


Do I know you?

You seem somehow. . . pleasantly familiar. . .

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

A Few of my Favorite Things: a list

1.) My family
2.) Good friends
3.) Crisp mornings
4.) Road trips
5.) This place:

Today gave me a taste of each.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010


Try this post on for size. I think it is thought provoking.

One reason I began writing on this here blog thingy was because I began reading the work of others. To me, blogging is a collection of live thought stream. A peak into other people's heads. No boundaries, editors, or content managers except the self-inflicted kind. Keeping tabs on lives lived by strangers is totally expected. In fact, it is encouraged. The ultimate guilty pleasure of a people watcher like myself: Get to know someone without ever meeting and without any obligation to nurture the relationship or send a Christmas card. It's brilliant!

So, here's a little peak into my mind. Totally free from social obligation -- isn't that great? 

 Today I caught myself smiling for no reason.

I was staring out the window of a rushing car enjoying the shades and textures of Fall -- wishing I had a camera and a few excess minutes handy for complete contentment. That's when I realized that I didn't need anything other than what I already had. And that's when I realized that I was smiling.

This hasn't happened in a while.

Optimism is a choice. One that I attempt to make regularly. My nature is to be cynical and damning. With standards raised high, anything that doesn't make the grade gets cut with the passion of split-second decision making. If something captures my attention for more than critically necessary, it gets tossed into my roaring river of a brain. Thoughts, ideas, and dreams are run through a long lazy-river-on-steroids complete with white water rapids.

Round and round the thoughts chase one another in the order in which they originated. A, B, C, D . . . 1, 2, 3, 4 . . . Yes, No, Maybe, but only if. . . Everything must find a place and order but if it cannot be categorized it is doomed to reside in my default thoughts. Those ones are polished in the tumbling rapids as I revisit them whenever my attention is not evoked by outside stimuli. Once the thought is shiny with wear, all rough edges gone with careful consideration and as much outside information as possible, it is either categorized as it should be or retired to a special place for things that are confusing. That is when I admit that I cannot solve everything and some questions do not have answers.

I don't give up easily. It can be very tiring -- particularly when other things ought to take precedence but are pushed aside with a split-second decision.

Including moments of happiness.

That is why it is so important to stop thinking. Just live in a moment rather than try to make sense of it all. 

Monday, October 25, 2010


The River
Garth Brooks

I know that most people who read the second line of this post will shut off, but please bear with me.

You know a dream is like a river
Ever changin' as it flows
And a dreamer's just a vessel
That must follow where it goes
Trying to learn from what's behind you
And never knowing what's in store
Makes each day a constant battle
Just to stay between the shores...and

I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Like a bird upon the wind
These waters are my sky
I'll never reach my destination
If I never try
So I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry

Too many times we stand aside
And let the waters slip away
'Til what we put off 'til tomorrow
Has now become today
So don't you sit upon the shoreline
And say you're satisfied
Choose to chance the rapids
And dare to dance the tide...yes

I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Like a bird upon the wind
These waters are my sky
I'll never reach my destination
If I never try
So I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry

There's bound to be rough waters
And I know I'll take some falls
But with the good Lord as my captain
I can make it through them all...yes

I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Like a bird upon the wind
These waters are my sky
I'll never reach my destination
If I never try
So I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Yes, I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
'Til the river runs dry

Just try. Every day is a new day and a new run on the river. There are no expectations bigger than your potential and no rough patches that the Lord cannot guide you through. Dreams do come true. But they take time and hard work, not fairy dust or wishing stars.  

Sunday, October 24, 2010

This Is Halloween

Only seven days left!

How exciting!!

A few things I love about Halloween:

1.) CANDY!

2.) Creepy things people put on their lawns.

3.) Socially acceptable dress up parties complete with full on make up, wigs, and accessories. The more insane or creative the better.

4.) Seeing little kids dressed up as the very thing that scares them every other day of the year.

5.) Seeing little kids dressed up as the very thing they wish they could be every other day of the year.

6.) Anticipating, planning, and getting all reved up to to have a great time -- with the understanding that the more effort exerted, the more fun you get out of it because everything is up to the imagination.

7.) Caramel, cinnamon, apples, and pumpkins are now in full season.

8.) Bon-fires!

9.) Trunk or treat at the Motor-Vu!! (October 30 this year if anyone wants to come down for a meal, movie, and trick or treating for the kiddies of course!)

10.) "Taxing" other people's loot.

11.) Getting the rest of someone's bowl of candy because they are tired and don't want to keep their porch light on anymore.

12.) Always needing to wear a coat because it's cold, even though it covers up your cool costumes. It's ok, Mom took tons of photos right after doing your make up anyway. 

13.) Pumpkin patches!

14.) Categorizing candy and toys (and toothbrushes) based on their desirability and consuming it all in order of best to worst. Let's face it: there's always one type of candy that is thrown away at Easter time because no one actually wanted to eat it.

15.) Falling asleep to a scary movie covered in a blanket fashioned from discarded candy wrappers.

Yep, Halloween is nearly here! Time to get your scare on!!

What do you like best about Halloween?

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Just A Thought

I like parts of this song.

I like it because it puts music to an idea that surfaces in my head/heart every once in a while.

When you love someone or something, that love never goes away.

It may be folded up and tied with a neat little bow to be stored on a heart shelf deep inside, but it never leaves completely. Once that spark has been kindled it never ceases to exist. It cannot. It is too pure to be snuffed out entirely. Although love may burn low with time and distance -- and this is often a very good thing -- it is still there. Everyone involved gets to keep some when they go.

Can you imagine how life would be if everyone you ever loved were still at the forefront of your mind with blinding intensity? How about when those people died or can't help but to be distant? It would be all consuming.

I wonder if this is why we cannot walk with God on this mortal plane of existance. The distance keeps us from burning in the glow of His pure love.

Just a thought.

I could be wrong.

Friday, October 22, 2010

"Lessons I Learned as a Boy"

I can't remember the last time I performed a random act of kindness. Perhaps it is time to remedy that.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

I got to meet this man today...

Big Buddah!

Plus I got a free flu shot for doing it on camera. Today was a good day. :-)

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Elk Bugle

I sort of hope this is what their mating call sounds like!


Monday, October 18, 2010


Today I rode along with the fire department.

It was a lot of fun to go to lunch in a huge fire engine! Those things command a great deal of respect. I can't imagine what it's like to drive one around town, trying not to hit people who don't pull over enough.

Today I saw an old man die.

The family seemed to be prepared for his passing and sent him off graciously after the paramedics administered all they could.

I tried very hard to feel sad about witnessing the end to someone's life, but the sorrow wasn't there. I felt badly for the family who had to prepare for a funeral, but the man who passed gave me no troubled thoughts. He is eternal. He has merely passed from one frame of existence into another. He has not ceased to be and will never cease to be. His soul is immortal.

Thinking this over, I was reminded of a quote shared during the EFY musical program this summer:

There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere moral. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations -- these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit...Next to the Blessed Sacrament itself, your neighbor is the holiest thing presented to your senses."
-- C.S. Lewis

Today I watched a friendship die. Perhaps not forever -- but for now, it cannot thrive. What a sad sight. Hurt feelings and inappropriate  or poor communications on both sides have squashed the life right out of this friendship. Speaking from a very mortal perspective, it is a small consolation that relationships with others are immortal as well. However, no man knows the future but we can all learn from the past.

It is cruel to exploit the weaknesses of others, no matter how gently or innocently done. For my inconsideration I am truly sorry.

As this sun sets I will close no doors, but make no promises. With my face to the East and the rising sun, I will carry a hope for more advantageous circumstances in the somedays of life.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

I couldn't resist...

...adding this picture at midnight. It was just too good to wait!


Thursday, October 14, 2010

100th Post!

I really wish I had something amazing to say for my 100th post -- but I'm sort of hitting a blank here. It just snuck up on me!

So, here are a few things that have been on my mind today:

The influence of good friends is indispensable. I would be an entirely different person if I hadn't met a few choice friends over the years.

The smell of Autumn air is the best scent in the whole world!

Cookies are magic: they disappear on their own. Especially when they are chocolate chip cookies made with both semi-sweet and milk chocolate chips.

Road trips are the best! When I was a kid we road tripped at least once a year, usually more. The drive is half the fun with all of the crazy car games, songs, and stops at random places on the side of the road to see something that may or may not end up being interesting. Whenever my parent's got lost on the road we would just shake it off as an "adventure." I've taken that lesson with me into just about everything. Adventures are a regular part of life -- any little upset or bump in the proverbial road is a lot more exciting when labeled an adventure.

I get to road trip this weekend to Fort Collins, Colorado! I'm going with, and to visit, time-worn best friends and some new friends. These are people who have influenced my life for good since the moment we met -- even though we didn't exactly start out with high hopes for lasting relationships. It's funny how things turn out. Sometimes the people we least expect to see again are those who end up sticking around forever and those we expect to remain friends with are the ones who disappear quickest. In any case, I'm really excited to spend quality time with people I adore.

We are going to enjoy the majesty of this beautiful season in the lovely Colorado mountains. When I was in England this Spring the thought of a "camera" for scents kept popping into my head as I visited gardens or got caught in the rain. Autumn is better! I wish that I could bottle the smell of this Autumn to be revisited next year some time when the air is hot and still.

Today I baked something like 16 dozen cookies. Chocolate chip, toffee chocolate chip, and pumpkin chocolate chip cookies, to be precise. To ensure that these cookies have a life beyond tomorrow morning (yes, my family does eat chocolate chip cookies for breakfast -- doesn't yours?) I took the precaution of baking during the day when everyone was at work. I also made sure to bag up and hide the cookies I mean to take to Colorado as gifts to the family I will be staying with this weekend . . . and the family my friend is staying with . . . and for the car ride. I made a lot of cookies!

So, this one goes out to good friends, road trips, Autumn, and cookies!

Stay awesome, everyone!