Poetry and musings of a zany Mormon girl who is very proud of her Erda roots.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Lord, I Would Follow Thee

Savior may I learn to love thee,
Walk the path that thou hast shown,
Pause to help and lift another,
Finding strength beyond my own.
Savior, may I learn to love thee--
Lord, I would follow thee.

Who am I to judge another
When I walk imperfectly?
In the quiet heart is hidden
Sorrow that the eye can't see.
Who am I to judge another?
Lord, I would follow thee.

I would be my borther's keeper;
I would learn the healer's art.
Tot he wounded and the weary
I would show a gentle heart.
I would be my brother's keeper--
Lord, I would follow thee.

Savior, may I love my brother
As I know thou lovest me,
Find in thee my strenght, my beacon,
For thy servant I would be.
Savior, may I love my brother--
Lord, I would follow thee.

Text: Susan Evans McCloud

How can I be my brother's keeper, love him, and refrain from judging him when he is harming his soul with sin and is unhappy? I want nothing more in the world than to see him happy, but I can't force change in another person. I suppose the only option I have is to pray, persist, and endure.

Wish me luck and pray for my brother -- he is your brother too.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Oh wow!

Yesterday at work my coworkers threw a Hail and Farewell party. Hail to the four new employees and farewell to little ol' me. I was late because I was, well, working and they waited for me to dish up a plate before anyone else got a chance. I was presented with a nice picture of the division that was signed by everyone as well as a certificate of appreciation that was exceptionally nice.

It's funny to me that a month ago I really couldn't think of any reason to want to stay down there. I just wanted to leave and move on with life. Now that I'm leaving it's sad to see this part of my life slip by. Although I have no intentions of working there again, I'll keep my options open and think back to my months at Dugway with pride. I've worked hard, made connections, and had experiences that could not have been gained any other way.

Thanks for a great nine months.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Happy Valentine's Day

When I was working as an RA at BYU my building advisor had a special meeting with all six of us RAs as Valentine's days approached. She expressed her love for the holiday that celebrated love. Love for friends and family in addition to special someones. Since then it has been my goal to enjoy this day and celebrate the gratitude I have for those close to me.

Sometimes the loneliness of being, well, single is very apparent in its solidarity. But love and fulfillment come in so many forms that they cannot be brushed aside. Even for one day of the year.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Because I Can

Go to England for seven weeks in the Spring.
Buy new shoes.
Travel to Provo to see friends on the weekend.
Read a really, really great book in one night.
Get jazzed about something I learned from the scriptures.
Call a friend just to chat.
Give out Valentines on Valentine's Day.
Eat at Tocano's...although my body says that I really should not have done so today...
Open my windows to smell the rain.
Make a necklace, headband, article of clothing, quilt, or anything else I decide to make.
Watch a BYU hockey game just for fun.
Order a watermelon cream slush from Sonics at 11pm.
Live in the moment with my eye on the future.

Friday, February 12, 2010


There is in every true woman's heart, a spark of heavenly fire, which lies dormant in the broad daylight of prosperity, but which kindles up and blazes in the dark hour of adversity.

Washington Irving

Love, love, love this quote.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Endure to the End

Vice is a monster of so frightful mein,
As to be hated needs but to e seen;
Yet seen too oft, familiar with her face,
We first endure,
then pity,
then embrace.

Alexander Pope

Think about it; why else endure to the end?

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Sometimes This is My Life

My candle burns at both ends
It will not last the night
But ah, my foes; and oh, my friends;
It gives such lovely light

Edna St. Vincent Millay

Sometimes my candle has sixty wicks that are all burning madly and making life pretty impossible and I can't sleep because fifty of them demand my immediate attention.

At the moment, I've only got three or four going. And they are all burning slowly. Except that one, there's always that one.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010


There are so many times in my life when I just need a miracle and then everything will be alright. That’s easy, right? Just bawl for a little bit and summon a Fairy Godmother to turn rags to ball gowns and fix everything that is broken. For those of us who aren’t regularly gifted with magical glass slippers, miracles might seem out of our reach.

But, with eyes open and actively searching, miracles can be found every day in a million ways.
Here are some that I’ve been noticing lately:

Spring: It invariably follows winter and the days get longer. That means that I get to drive home with a little bit of sunlight and a much better mood.

The moon: I love the cycles of the moon. Last week I was able to see the door for the garage every morning because of the bright moonlight. This improved my mood when I was trying to wake up enough to drive to work.

Smiles: I don’t know how often I am smiled at by someone during the course of a day, but it never ceases to improve my thoughts and lift my own lips.

Dancing: I am terrible at dancing – two left feet and all – but I got to go dancing this weekend and had such a great time learning new steps (I use the term “learning” loosely here because I’m incapable of retaining dance steps). My younger brothers dance with me in the kitchen. I love that. Watching other people dance is spell-binding! The capabilities of the human body are certainly miraculous!

Laughing: It’s amazing to me how great laughter makes me feel! I love to laugh. Hard. The smallest things will have me rolling on the floor in uncontrollable mirth. Sometimes it’s a bit ridiculous because once I get the giggles I can’t stop for a really long time.

Music: The fact that music exists at all is a miraculous. Different tones and pitches go together to make something beautiful, sad, energetic, fierce, sappy, inspirational, or sigh-worthy.

Silence: So peaceful and eerily beautiful. Like when all of nature stops to listen to each snow flake stack up on one another.

Peace of mind: Although difficult to summon more often than not, it is a welcome occurrence that I treasure in the moments it is available.

Contentment: Also a slippery pleasure to posses.


I left work early to make an interview in Provo for an EFY Health Counselor position, but left my house with only an hour to get to the Harmon Building. It usually takes me about 75-80 minutes from Erda to BYU campus. Yesterday it took me 65-70 minutes. Traffic was in my favor and only slowed a little. I was able to drive safely but quickly. I think part of the road may have vanished because I really don't remember driving bits of it. I was still a little late for my appointed time slot, but the girl ahead of me still hadn't showed up and my interviewer was very sweet about it. I ended up chatting for about 20 minutes more than the interview required and feel really good about getting the job! Talk about miracles!

Monday, February 8, 2010


There exist mortal and spiritual laws that govern each realm, respectively. When a mortal, or physical, law is transgressed there is a consequence. This often brings pain, confusion, and regret but ultimately knowledge and wisdom. The same can be said of spiritual laws that are broken. Often times the physical and spiritual laws are interwoven and one action can break both. These things are twice as painful because both laws must be satisfied by consequences. However, when these laws are kept the benefit is rarely perceived.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the physical and spiritual consequences of choices, especially ones that forever impact the lives of the individuals involved. There seems to be a large number of people I know and care about who have made such choices and are unhappy with the consequences. Physical choices are rarely reversible. Time cannot be taken back. Accidents cannot be undone. Children cannot be returned.

Broken spiritual laws, however, can be mended and apart from the physical consequences can even be made as though they never happened. The Atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ provides a healing balm of perfect love to cover and mend feelings of pain, inadequacy, and sin. This love can also reach out and help the physical consequences sting a little less, become a little more bearable, or seem like less of a trial and more of a blessing.

This is my testimony.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Out of Time

The best way to get over a fear is to confront it and move on. This is how I've managed to stand in front of literally hundreds of people and lead meetings, teach lessons, and give presentations/talks. As a girl I was so dreadfully shy that the prospect of being the center of attention for five whole minutes was enough to cause my knees to shake, my lip to quiver, and my right eye lid to twitch violently. It was not pretty. I'd end up hyperventilating and swallowing tears as my hands shook for at least an hour after each episode.

Last week I was asked to speak during Sacrament meeting. With a topic as awesome as "Continuing Education" -- which I fully endorse in all it's many facets -- I figured it would be no sweat.

A quick glance over the program told me that I would be speaking after a sister missionary who will be departing soon and the mother of an Elder in the field. Oh, yeah, and a musical number sandwiched between them.

My calculations confirmed that I would only have about five minutes to speak. Half the amount of time I had be told to anticipate.

It takes about five minutes to wrap up a sacrament meeting, sing a hymn, and say a prayer. When the Elder's mother finished her talk with only five minutes to spare I figured there was no way the bishopric would expect me to give my talk in just two or three minutes.

I was wrong.

I haven't been so nervous since I taught anatomy for the very first time as a substitute TA during the very last class of the semester and had to teach the male reproductive tract. Being starred down while holding bits of male anatomy in one hand and a metal probe in the other is unnerving. So is condensing five pages of material into five major points at a moments notice.

Not my best attempt.

Luckily for me, I've already got a date to re-do my talk! When I travel back to the Mother Land in a few weeks I've been asked to speak during Sacrament meeting in the Cornwall! Hooray! I am guaranteed at least 15 minutes. Hopefully I will be first on the program, not last.