Poetry and musings of a zany Mormon girl who is very proud of her Erda roots.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Never Been Kissed: a film and a rant

I just finished watching Drew Barrymore's Never Been Kissed for the first time since I was, like, 13 when we watched it at a Young Women's activity. I thought it was extremely inappropriate at the time because we were too young to be dating at all and was mortified by and then grateful when my leader fast forwarded (remember VHS?) through the banana scene. Oh the banana scene!
Now that scene just made me laugh.

Actually, the whole movie made me laugh. You wanna know why?  I related to the plot.

While I think it was unrealistic, asinine, and a little perverted with the main romantic leads being a teacher/student pair I did relate to the heroine.

In the most unflattering way.

She was Josie Grossie in high school, the geek who just wanted to be popular. I was an nerdy little mouse who truly believed she had attained invisibility but just wanted to have a few good friends.

Josie was invited to prom by the guy of her dreams only to be egged instead. I didn't even get invited to prom even though I secretly wanted to really badly and didn't even have a guy of my dreams to egg me.

The adult Josie grew up to be successful doing something she was good at but desperately wanted something deeper. Same boat.

Josie had pet turtles. I've always wanted pet turtles.

She was 25. I'll be 25 in a month and six days.

She'd never really been kissed. I've never been kissed. At all. Unless you count when I was three and he was four and we were going to get married when we grew up. (Ha ha! That sure didn't happen!)

Basically, Josie and I are the same person, right?

It's kind of horrible, but I even do my hair the way Josie does hers in the beginning of the movie. Now that's just creepy!

The thing is: we are the same person. While I would never be quite as horrific as she, I have done and said some pretty cringe-worthy things in my day. *shudder*

There's this scene in the movie where Josie is telling her office friends about how she had never really, really been kissed (let's give a plug for the title!) and she describes a real kiss in this way:
"That thing. That moment. You kiss someone, and it's like the world around you gets all hazy and the only thing in focus is you and this other person, and you know that one person is the person you're meant to be kissing the rest of your life. And for that one moment you've been given this amazing gift and you want to laugh and cry at the same time because you're so lucky you found it and so scared that it will go away."

Forget the ridiculous high school shenanigans that makes this film so difficult to watch all the way through. This quote is the only thing that should have survived the editing process.

It puts words to the ideas that have been floating in my head all my life.

And maybe I get those ideas from when I was, like, 13 and we watched Never Been Kissed for YW's. Who knows.

I had a long conversation with my favorite older sister yesterday. I expressed my frustrations and difficulties with dating in general and how every time I think things are going well it all just comes to a screeching halt for one good reason or another. She listened to my rant about how easy it looks for other people and how I have proof that I don't intimidate all guys and I really do have something to offer in a relationship.

Blah, blah, blah.

Same tired conversation I've had a million times with a dozen people.

You know it's bad when you're sick of your own broken record.

But my lovely, wonderful, beautiful sister had a contribution that stopped my turntable pretty quickly.

"You know," she said, "some people are just casual about those types of things. They find someone who doesn't look entirely like a swamp monster and decide to try it out for a while. But they usually end up unhappy and move on. I'm not like that and neither are you."

It's true. I'm not casual.

Not with the important things.

And what's more important than giving up a part of yourself and hoping that it will be accepted and returned in kind?

So, I'm just going to keep all of these kisses right here on my lips until someone inspiring comes to receive them. And I'm not going to feel bad about it at all.

*shakes fist at society*

The best part about that movie: when I first watched it I thought I'd rather die than be 25 and never have kissed a boy.

Ha ha, ho ho, hmmm.

Yep, call me Josie and send me back to high school.


  1. Oh my beautiful Zarah! How I relate to you both!! hahah. You inspire me my dear. And I feel the same way. I may not date much, but I also am not willing to be casual or to date for dating sake. So, when someone comes along who is worth the effort, and who feels the same about me, then I think all the waiting will be worth it! (Even if he doesn't end up being THE ONE... you know.) Anyway, love you LOTS! We need to chat SOON!!!

  2. I like this post. And I love you :) (And ktb :)