Act as my mom's travel companion and accompany her to Fort Worth, TX!
Help my sister during post surgery ick in Oceanside, CA!
Stay out ALL NIGHT (read: 4am), not just LATE (read: 2am) because I am an adult and I get to do things like that.
Apply to a million big girl jobs.
Plan a trip to Africa next summer.
Listen to the rain outside my window at freaking early in the morning. Mmmm, rain.
Skype.
Look forward to BYU Football season.
Live it up in Erda!
Monday, August 30, 2010
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Longest Time
This goes out to someone special. You know who you are.
For the Longest Time
Billy Joel
Oh, Oh, Oh
For the longest time
Oh, Oh, Oh
For the longest time
If you said goodbye to me tonight
There would still be music left to write
What else could I do, I'm so inspired by you
That hasn't happened for the longest time
Once I thought my innocence was gone
Now I know that happiness goes on
That's when you found me, when you put your arms around me
I haven't been there for the longest time
Oh, Oh, Oh
For the longest time
Oh, Oh, Oh
For the longest time
I'm that voice you're hearing in the hall
And the greatest miracle of all
Is how I need you, and how you needed me too
That hasn't happened in the longest time
Maybe this won't last very long
But you feel so right
And I could be wrong
Maybe I've gone this far
And it's more than I'd hoped for
Who knows how much further we'll go on
Maybe I'll be sorry when you're gone
I'll take my chances, I forgot how nice romance is
I haven't been there for the longest time
I had second thoughts at the start
I said to myself, hold on to your heart
Now I know the man that you are
It's wonderful so far
And you're more than I'd hoped for
I don't care what consequence it brings
I have been a fool for lesser things
I want you so bad, I think you ought to know that
I intend to hold you for the longest time
For the Longest Time
Billy Joel
Oh, Oh, Oh
For the longest time
Oh, Oh, Oh
For the longest time
If you said goodbye to me tonight
There would still be music left to write
What else could I do, I'm so inspired by you
That hasn't happened for the longest time
Once I thought my innocence was gone
Now I know that happiness goes on
That's when you found me, when you put your arms around me
I haven't been there for the longest time
Oh, Oh, Oh
For the longest time
Oh, Oh, Oh
For the longest time
I'm that voice you're hearing in the hall
And the greatest miracle of all
Is how I need you, and how you needed me too
That hasn't happened in the longest time
Maybe this won't last very long
But you feel so right
And I could be wrong
Maybe I've gone this far
And it's more than I'd hoped for
Who knows how much further we'll go on
Maybe I'll be sorry when you're gone
I'll take my chances, I forgot how nice romance is
I haven't been there for the longest time
I had second thoughts at the start
I said to myself, hold on to your heart
Now I know the man that you are
It's wonderful so far
And you're more than I'd hoped for
I don't care what consequence it brings
I have been a fool for lesser things
I want you so bad, I think you ought to know that
I intend to hold you for the longest time
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Silly Body
Oh, Silly Body
I take you for walks and give you good food
Sleep in sometimes and clean as I should
I trim up your hair and polish your skin
Oh, why do you pain me from deep within?
Silly, silly body.
I've scheduled an appointment to meet with a specialist.
*fingers crossed*
I take you for walks and give you good food
Sleep in sometimes and clean as I should
I trim up your hair and polish your skin
Oh, why do you pain me from deep within?
Silly, silly body.
I've scheduled an appointment to meet with a specialist.
*fingers crossed*
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Who Needs Sleep?
BNL, you say it best:
Now I lay me down not to sleep
I just get tangled in the sheets
I swim in sweat three inches deep
I just lay back and claim defeat
Chapter read and lesson learned
I turned the lights off while she burned
So while she's three hundred degrees
I throw the sheets off and I freeze
Lids down, I count sheep
I count heartbeats
The only thing that counts is
that I won't sleep
I countdown, I look around
Who needs sleep?
well you're never gonna get it
Who needs sleep?
tell me what's that for
Who needs sleep?
be happy with what you're getting
There's a guy who's been awake
since the Second World War
My hands are locked up tight in fists
My mind is racing, filled with lists
of things to do and things I've done
Another sleepless night's begun
Lids down, I count sheep
I count heartbeats
The only thing that counts is
that I won't sleep
I countdown, I look around
Who needs sleep?
well you're never gonna get it
Who needs sleep?
tell me what's that for
Who needs sleep?
be happy with what you're getting
There's a guy who's been awake
since the Second World War
Who needs sleep?
well you're never gonna get it
Who needs sleep?
tell me what's that for
Who needs sleep?
be happy with what you're getting
There's a guy who's been awake
since the Second World War
There's so much joy in life,
so many pleasures all around
But the pleasure of insomnia
is one I've never found
With all life has to offer,
there's so much to be enjoyed
But the pleasures of insomnia
are ones I can't avoid
Lids down, I count sheep
I count heartbeats
The only thing that counts is
that I won't sleep
I countdown, I look around
Hala Hala Hala
Who needs sleep?
well you're never gonna get it
Who needs sleep?
tell me what's that for
Who needs sleep?
be happy with what you're getting
There's a guy who's been awake
since the Second World War
Now I lay me down not to sleep
I just get tangled in the sheets
I swim in sweat three inches deep
I just lay back and claim defeat
Chapter read and lesson learned
I turned the lights off while she burned
So while she's three hundred degrees
I throw the sheets off and I freeze
Lids down, I count sheep
I count heartbeats
The only thing that counts is
that I won't sleep
I countdown, I look around
Who needs sleep?
well you're never gonna get it
Who needs sleep?
tell me what's that for
Who needs sleep?
be happy with what you're getting
There's a guy who's been awake
since the Second World War
My hands are locked up tight in fists
My mind is racing, filled with lists
of things to do and things I've done
Another sleepless night's begun
Lids down, I count sheep
I count heartbeats
The only thing that counts is
that I won't sleep
I countdown, I look around
Who needs sleep?
well you're never gonna get it
Who needs sleep?
tell me what's that for
Who needs sleep?
be happy with what you're getting
There's a guy who's been awake
since the Second World War
Who needs sleep?
well you're never gonna get it
Who needs sleep?
tell me what's that for
Who needs sleep?
be happy with what you're getting
There's a guy who's been awake
since the Second World War
There's so much joy in life,
so many pleasures all around
But the pleasure of insomnia
is one I've never found
With all life has to offer,
there's so much to be enjoyed
But the pleasures of insomnia
are ones I can't avoid
Lids down, I count sheep
I count heartbeats
The only thing that counts is
that I won't sleep
I countdown, I look around
Hala Hala Hala
Who needs sleep?
well you're never gonna get it
Who needs sleep?
tell me what's that for
Who needs sleep?
be happy with what you're getting
There's a guy who's been awake
since the Second World War
Monday, August 16, 2010
To All My Single Ladies (and the married ones too)
The following is a compilation of quotes presented at EFY a few weeks ago to all of the girls. It came right after an epiphany of sorts and expounded on that. You see, I realized that Heavenly Father cares about how we see ourselves; our self image and self worth are tied to our spiritual and overall well-being. Simply put if I can't see myself as attractive, graceful, and sexy, it does matter.
The secret to being attractive does not reside merely in possessing the genetic makeup to be physically good-looking or mastering the latest fashion trends. In fact, it has very little to do with these things. Attractive people attract other people to bask in their presence. They shine with an inner light that calls people to them. The light is born of personal confidence and and presence of being. The power to attract cannot be faked, bought, or given. It must be earned. This is very difficult for an innately shy girl. I have worked very hard to pull my personal space bubble in tight so that I can get closer to other people. It takes constant effort and work. When placed in social settings I actually set goals and actively pursue ways in which I can grow. The goals may seem simple from the outside: laugh at jokes, say what is on your mind after just a brief mental review so as to avoid over-thinking it and therefore not saying anything at all, look people in the eye, break the touch barrier, ask questions, make small talk, initiate a hug when saying good bye. As I have learned to be more introspective and allow the lessons I learn to impact my every day socializing, I have discovered that I can be attractive! What a revelation! Not all the time, of course; I am still frequently asked if there is something wrong because I look melancholy or someone will take it upon themselves to make sure that I smile, but I am making progress and people are noticing.
Grace is found in movement, modesty, and a sense of who one is how they came to be. When I was 17 1/2 our theme at Girls Camp was centered around the truth that we are daughters of a king and therefore princesses. The idea was that the Young Women's program gives a young lady six years to study intensely to become a princess. I wrote down my goals to learn princessly behavior in the six months before I left the program. Learning to be graceful was on the list. To me this meant that I would learn to move without knocking into people or things, to dance, and speak to others without becoming hopelessly befuddled. Grace is still on my list of things to learn but my definition has changed slightly. A steady gaze, an air of purpose, and the ability to gently lift others are all qualities I associate with gracious women. It takes a life time of practice, experience, humility, and service to gain such a distinguished character. Learning to be gracious will be on my list forever.
The more I learn about the human body and appreciate what it can do, the less I am afraid of my own body and how it ties into who I am. I am a woman of many curves. More often than not I find myself embarrassed by how obvious the bumps and lumps can be, even when they are in socially acceptable places or simply not in my power to change. I have layered, pulled, stretched, and disguised my curves in fabric to avoid acknowledging them. What a shame! The more I come to understand that my unique shape is something to be proud of, the more I feel . . . well . . . sexy. This is a good thing. It lets me rejoice in this divine blessing without making excuses for the parts that don't fit modern standards of worldly beauty. No matter how different I may feel from my peers, my physical body is tangible proof that my Heavenly Father loves me and that I love Him. Because I have a body I know without a doubt that I followed His plan once before and had the courage to fight for the right to my free agency in this temporal world. I also know that my Father would not give me an imperfect temple for my spirit. It is up to me to find the perfection therein and let it shine.
Now, on to the quotes from prophets and leaders who know the worth of a woman:
Most of us have felt at one time or another that we don’t quite fit in. Much of the confusion we experience in this life comes from simply not understanding who we are. Too many go about their lives thinking they are of little worth when, in reality, they are elegant and eternal creatures of infinite value with potential beyond imagination.
CES Fireside November 1, 2009
Elder Uchtdorf:
My dear young friends, this knowledge allows you to see your own reflection in the water. It assures you that you are not ordinary, rejected, or ugly. You are something divine—more beautiful and glorious than you can possibly imagine. This knowledge changes everything. It changes your present. It can change your future. And it can change the world.
CES Fireside November 1, 2009
President Spencer W. Kimball
“Much of the major growth that is coming to the Church in the last days will come because many of the good women of the world (in whom there is often such an inner sense of spirituality) will be drawn to the Church in large numbers. This will happen to the degree that the women of the Church reflect righteousness and articulateness in their lives and to the degree that the women of the Church are seen as distinct and different—in happy ways—from the women of the world....Thus it will be that female exemplars of the Church will be a significant force in both the numerical and spiritual growth of the Church in the last days
-Ensign, November 1979
Elder Ballard:
Popular culture today often makes women look silly, inconsequential, mindless, and powerless. It objectifies them and disrespects them and then suggests that they are able to leave their mark on mankind only by seduction—easily the most pervasively dangerous message the adversary sends to women about themselves.
-Ensign May 2010
Elder Ballard:
And so, my dear young women, with all my heart I urge you not to look to contemporary culture for your role models and mentors. Please look to your faithful mothers for a pattern to follow. Model yourselves after them, not after celebrities whose standards are not the Lord’s standards and whose values may not reflect an eternal perspective. Look to your mother. Learn from her strengths, her courage, and her faithfulness.
Ensign, May 2010
The secret to being attractive does not reside merely in possessing the genetic makeup to be physically good-looking or mastering the latest fashion trends. In fact, it has very little to do with these things. Attractive people attract other people to bask in their presence. They shine with an inner light that calls people to them. The light is born of personal confidence and and presence of being. The power to attract cannot be faked, bought, or given. It must be earned. This is very difficult for an innately shy girl. I have worked very hard to pull my personal space bubble in tight so that I can get closer to other people. It takes constant effort and work. When placed in social settings I actually set goals and actively pursue ways in which I can grow. The goals may seem simple from the outside: laugh at jokes, say what is on your mind after just a brief mental review so as to avoid over-thinking it and therefore not saying anything at all, look people in the eye, break the touch barrier, ask questions, make small talk, initiate a hug when saying good bye. As I have learned to be more introspective and allow the lessons I learn to impact my every day socializing, I have discovered that I can be attractive! What a revelation! Not all the time, of course; I am still frequently asked if there is something wrong because I look melancholy or someone will take it upon themselves to make sure that I smile, but I am making progress and people are noticing.
Grace is found in movement, modesty, and a sense of who one is how they came to be. When I was 17 1/2 our theme at Girls Camp was centered around the truth that we are daughters of a king and therefore princesses. The idea was that the Young Women's program gives a young lady six years to study intensely to become a princess. I wrote down my goals to learn princessly behavior in the six months before I left the program. Learning to be graceful was on the list. To me this meant that I would learn to move without knocking into people or things, to dance, and speak to others without becoming hopelessly befuddled. Grace is still on my list of things to learn but my definition has changed slightly. A steady gaze, an air of purpose, and the ability to gently lift others are all qualities I associate with gracious women. It takes a life time of practice, experience, humility, and service to gain such a distinguished character. Learning to be gracious will be on my list forever.
The more I learn about the human body and appreciate what it can do, the less I am afraid of my own body and how it ties into who I am. I am a woman of many curves. More often than not I find myself embarrassed by how obvious the bumps and lumps can be, even when they are in socially acceptable places or simply not in my power to change. I have layered, pulled, stretched, and disguised my curves in fabric to avoid acknowledging them. What a shame! The more I come to understand that my unique shape is something to be proud of, the more I feel . . . well . . . sexy. This is a good thing. It lets me rejoice in this divine blessing without making excuses for the parts that don't fit modern standards of worldly beauty. No matter how different I may feel from my peers, my physical body is tangible proof that my Heavenly Father loves me and that I love Him. Because I have a body I know without a doubt that I followed His plan once before and had the courage to fight for the right to my free agency in this temporal world. I also know that my Father would not give me an imperfect temple for my spirit. It is up to me to find the perfection therein and let it shine.
Now, on to the quotes from prophets and leaders who know the worth of a woman:
Most of us have felt at one time or another that we don’t quite fit in. Much of the confusion we experience in this life comes from simply not understanding who we are. Too many go about their lives thinking they are of little worth when, in reality, they are elegant and eternal creatures of infinite value with potential beyond imagination.
CES Fireside November 1, 2009
Elder Uchtdorf:
My dear young friends, this knowledge allows you to see your own reflection in the water. It assures you that you are not ordinary, rejected, or ugly. You are something divine—more beautiful and glorious than you can possibly imagine. This knowledge changes everything. It changes your present. It can change your future. And it can change the world.
CES Fireside November 1, 2009
President Spencer W. Kimball
“Much of the major growth that is coming to the Church in the last days will come because many of the good women of the world (in whom there is often such an inner sense of spirituality) will be drawn to the Church in large numbers. This will happen to the degree that the women of the Church reflect righteousness and articulateness in their lives and to the degree that the women of the Church are seen as distinct and different—in happy ways—from the women of the world....Thus it will be that female exemplars of the Church will be a significant force in both the numerical and spiritual growth of the Church in the last days
-Ensign, November 1979
Elder Ballard:
Popular culture today often makes women look silly, inconsequential, mindless, and powerless. It objectifies them and disrespects them and then suggests that they are able to leave their mark on mankind only by seduction—easily the most pervasively dangerous message the adversary sends to women about themselves.
-Ensign May 2010
Elder Ballard:
And so, my dear young women, with all my heart I urge you not to look to contemporary culture for your role models and mentors. Please look to your faithful mothers for a pattern to follow. Model yourselves after them, not after celebrities whose standards are not the Lord’s standards and whose values may not reflect an eternal perspective. Look to your mother. Learn from her strengths, her courage, and her faithfulness.
Ensign, May 2010
Sunday, August 15, 2010
And So It Goes
Billy Joel
In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along
I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense
And every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose
But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break
And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows
So I would choose to be with you
As if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows
Billy Joel is my muse tonight. He is helping me via tone, poetry, and melody to say what is on my mind. Noel, these are the things I can't say. The fears I cannot voice.
There is so much fear and uncertainty in my heart; too many failed possibilities and self-sabotaged plans. The possiblities for pain far outweigh those for joy. To be overlooked and left behind is difficult. But past hurts have taught that every crack in the tiny rooms of my bruised heart allow the Savior's love to come in and expand these rooms into palaces of understanding and compassion. I have wept bitter tears and wallowed in depressing thoughts of loneliness. I have felt the thorns more often than I can admit; if you knew, it would just break your heart on my behalf.
I have just now arrived at a place inside myself where my logic and my heart can meet and accept that for now, "so it goes," is my best anthem. It is my pledge to take life as it comes, to allow good things to happen without anticipation of pain, and accept the possibility of all outcomes.
Now, shall we see if this is good enough?
In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along
I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense
And every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose
But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break
And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows
So I would choose to be with you
As if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows
Billy Joel is my muse tonight. He is helping me via tone, poetry, and melody to say what is on my mind. Noel, these are the things I can't say. The fears I cannot voice.
There is so much fear and uncertainty in my heart; too many failed possibilities and self-sabotaged plans. The possiblities for pain far outweigh those for joy. To be overlooked and left behind is difficult. But past hurts have taught that every crack in the tiny rooms of my bruised heart allow the Savior's love to come in and expand these rooms into palaces of understanding and compassion. I have wept bitter tears and wallowed in depressing thoughts of loneliness. I have felt the thorns more often than I can admit; if you knew, it would just break your heart on my behalf.
I have just now arrived at a place inside myself where my logic and my heart can meet and accept that for now, "so it goes," is my best anthem. It is my pledge to take life as it comes, to allow good things to happen without anticipation of pain, and accept the possibility of all outcomes.
Now, shall we see if this is good enough?
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Friday, August 6, 2010
A Poem
"I have no fear of death,"
The old man said
When faced by his certain demise
But if I should confess,
The Truth behind love
I'll be met with unsteady eyes
So live while still young,
Think not on the end
And love with fresh hearts all a blaze
For one day, you too
Will look to unite
Once more where the other half lay
The old man said
When faced by his certain demise
But if I should confess,
The Truth behind love
I'll be met with unsteady eyes
So live while still young,
Think not on the end
And love with fresh hearts all a blaze
For one day, you too
Will look to unite
Once more where the other half lay
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