Poetry and musings of a zany Mormon girl who is very proud of her Erda roots.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Man Gettin' Faces

I am a 24 year old Mormon girl who has never been kissed.

It's not for lack of desire, but more a lack of opportunity.

I've also never held hands with a boy, been asked to a fancy dance, or gone on more than two consecutive dates with the same guy.

Again, not for a lack of desire, but a more a lack of seeing the opportunities. I'm sure that they've existed, but at the time I had blinders on, doubted myself too much to understand the significance of an offer, or  was simply too scared to act and found it easier to watch the chance drift into oblivion.

Understanding who I was and how I have become who I am now, it is easy to see why these things haven't happened for me just yet. I can forgive my younger self for not being ready. But can society? One of my biggest fears in this realm is that I'll be a terrible kisser when the time comes to try it out and an unforgiving partner will leave me in the dust.

I had a dream once that I was kissing a boy and it was a mushy-lipped, slimy open-mouth baby kiss. I woke up thoroughly disgusted and disappointed. Blegh.

I'm smart, funny, literate, look pretty cute when I put in an effort, plus I can cook just about anything. There is no reason that I should turn 25 and still have not held hands with a nice boy. I aim to make something of this coming year and break a few of my personal records and tear down a few of my personal walls.

Since men are generally attracted first by a lady's pulchritude before her brain I've devised a plan to make myself most attractive. I've been practicing my Man Gettin' Faces. Every time I see a guy I'm interested in, I will try one of these lovelies on him and watch as he swoons into love with me. I'm sure to be kissed by next week!

Please let me know what you think. I've been working really hard on these.

If these faces can't get me a man, I don't know what will!


  1. Your friend MohonriJanuary 12, 2011 at 4:55 AM

    Looks like you need some fiber in your diet.
    Hope it wasn't too painful.

  2. Closest is the puckered lip :P. By the way, don't worry about the kissing. The first person I kissed was shocked I could kiss so well. It's just a frame of mind. =P